


without you

by buckseds



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - Sweet Home Alabama Fusion, Angry Eddie Diaz, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Buck and Eddie are Dumb, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Evan "Buck" Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Exes, Falling In Love, Getting Back Together, Hurt Eddie Diaz, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Protective Maddie Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckseds/pseuds/buckseds
Summary: Buck and Eddie married young, barley out of high school and in love. the couple that everyone assumed would last forever.emphasis on 'assumed'or,Evan has made a new life for himself in New York, attempting to leave his old one in Texas behind. However, after almost ten years away from home, his new fiancé wants to get married, leaving Evan no choice but to return to his home state and get his stubborn husband to finally sign the divorce papers.a buddie sweet home alabama au
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 163
Kudos: 458





	1. chapter 1: welcome home, son

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!!! 
> 
> this is inspired by sweet home alabama! 
> 
> for contextual reasons:  
> Christopher is 8 in this fic not 9 (just to fit my timeline more accurately)  
> and they are both 30 in this fic also for timeline reasons 
> 
> and yeah that's it really. 
> 
> comments are always loved. 
> 
> named the fic after ingrid michaelson's song 'without you' :)
> 
> i name my chapters after song so chapter 1 is welcome home, son by radical face ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck must face the past he ran away from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: welcome home, son by radical force
> 
> this is inspired by sweet home alabama

**Buck and Eddie, aged 10. Texas.**

_Buck sighed as he looked through the gaps on the staircase, his eyes trained on his mother's form as he packed up his fathers belongings, angrily shoving anything that had any link to him in a box before sealing it up. It wasn't uncommon for his parents to have a blazing argument that would result in one of them deciding that the marriage was over, the kids will be alright without me and booking the next flight out of the state and make a disappearance._

_However, what was uncommon was that the parent would actually go._

_Buck had watched as his father grabbed his bag that he had quickly packed, and storm out of the house and shoot a final look towards Buck and Maddie, his children who were perched on the top of the stairs watching their parents marriage fall apart._

_Buck never wanted to end up in a marriage like theirs._

_He was unsure how long he had sat there, starring at the door that his father had exited for the last time before Maddie, his sister appeared behind him, a hand on his shoulder as a form of comfort before she spoke up. "Your left-arm is stood outside." she shrugged, as she ran a hand through his blonde locks. "You should probably go see him before he starts throwing rocks at the window to get your attention."_

_Buck didn't need to ask her who she was talking about, his left-arm was obviously his best friend Eddie, who was most likely worried about him after hearing the sudden departure of his father._

_Buck sent her a thankful smile before he rushed down the stairs, his grin actually genuine as he opened the front door and reunited with Eddie. The second the brunette saw him his grin grew._

_"Y'know, dad's kinda suck anyway." Eddie, in an attempt to lift the mood said. Buck chuckled in response._

_"Your dad doesn't suck." Buck pointed out as he followed Eddie down the path of their road, just some of the benefits of living on the same road as your best friend. "You're just saying that to make me feel better."_

_Eddie threw an arm around Buck's shoulders and tugged him closer, "Well, anybody who walks out on you...sucks." Eddie grinned, all teeth and innocence. Buck couldn't imagine Eddie ever walking out on him, or Buck walking out on Eddie. After all, from the moment they met aged five when Buck moved here with his family, everybody had made the point that it was virtually impossible to keep the two ten year olds apart._

_They ended up in a small park, their backs pressed up against a tree and Buck's hoodie zipped up way past his lips. "You would never leave me, right?" Buck questioned, his insecurity evident in his voice. That was to be expected, after all, he had just been abandoned by his father._

_"Cross my heart and hope to die." Eddie grinned, but then seriously added. "It's okay, Buck. You'll always have me."_

**Present day, aged 30. New York City.**

Buck had never been good with crowds. In fact, he often avoided them at all costs. Growing up in a small town in Texas gave him many opportunities to live city-stress free, he could run down an entire street without bumping into a single sole. New York? You turn one corner and theres a group of people you have to make your way around. 

Here, he stood with an expensive New York penthouse suite, wearing a tailored suit while surrounded by people that were most likely educated at Harvard and had a bank account bigger than anything Buck could ever imagine. This was a long way from home, a long way from his mom's home cooked meals that she'd make last throughout the week, a long way from his torn and over-worn favourite pair of blue converses that had been glued to his feet for almost a decade. A long way from his family, from his friends, from Eddie. 

He had left Texas nine years ago, left with nothing but the clothes on his back and a phone charger. He hadn't planned to end up in New York, in fact, he hadn't planned anything. His only plan was to run as far away as possible from his home state and go from there. Buck wasn't afraid to admit he was selfish, even know, stood in a room with people who barley took a moment to ask his name, he was selfish for running when things got too tough for him to handle. The blonde knew that. 

His thoughts were thankfully cut short as he felt a hand on his shoulder, he managed a smile as he was met with the sight of Abby. "Guess what?" she grinned, clearly a little excited to tell him something, although his eyes were focused on the engagement ring that sat proudly on her ring finger. "Dad has just said that he's passing the New York office over to me, Evan, i am going to be running my own office." 

His smiled, "That's great, Abby. Well done." It was expected, when you are the daughter of one of the richest lawyers in the entire city, Abby was always going to end up with an important role in the company. In fact, Buck was sure that Abby's family had her whole life set out for her from the moment she was born. Including that they wanted her to be married, and here Buck was. 

He had known Abby for a while, he had been in New York for just under nine years and he had started working for Abby's fathers company five years ago. However, he had only started dating Abby six months ago, their engagement was quick and if Buck was honest, a little unexpected. However, he was determined to not let his own fear and past prevent him from marrying Abby, from marrying into a family that wanted him, wanted the new Buck, not the Buck he used to be. The Buck that wore suits and not tatty converses, Buck who lived in New York, not Texas. 

"Please, shut me down if this upsets you-" Abby started and Buck instantly felt anxious, a little unsure where this conversation was heading. His eyes flickered towards her parents who were stood not too far away, clearly distracted by another set of rich couples that reminded Buck that his childhood had been the entire opposite of this. "Since we are engaged, i think it's time we start planning this wedding. So we can really settle down, y'know, us married and working at the company? I think it would be really good for us." 

Buck nodded, silently agreeing because that had been the plan. 

Abby continued, "Which means...Evan, you are going to have to get that divorce from uh..." _Eddie, his name is Eddie,_ Buck thought to himself. He had frozen on his spot, the reality had hit him that if he was going to marry and carry on this new life for himself that he had set up in New York, he needed to completely leave his past one behind. He had clung onto that marriage for too long, not seeing his _husband_ in nine years, not contacting him in nine years, if he was really to move on he needed to get his stubborn husband to sign the divorce papers. "I'm sorry if that was insensitive, i know you were together for a long ti-" 

Buck cut her off, maybe it was rude, after all, she was trying to be supportive, but Buck just wanted to stop mentioning Eddie. _Eddie, Eddie, Eddie_ was all his brain was screaming right now and he wanted it to be silent again.

"It's fine. I'll get the divorce." He forced a smile, in a desperate attempt to prove to his fiancé that it was okay. Although, Abby didn't know Eddie like Buck knew Eddie, he hadn't returned to Texas for nine years. They weren't the same Eddie and Buck they once were. "Eddie will sign the papers, don't worry about Eddie. I can handle him, okay?" 

Abby seemed to accept that answer, entwining their fingers and pulling him over to converse with some other guests while Buck tried to push down the dread building up in his stomach. 

**aged 15, Eddie and Buck. Texas**

_"would you still love me if i spoke every sentence backwards?" Eddie burst out laughing from his spot beside Buck on the grass, evidently not expecting that question from the blonde. Buck, however, was deadly serious as he starred at the brunette, waiting for an answer._

_"That's a dumb question, Buck." but Eddie wasted no time in adding, "you are lucky i'll always love you."_

_Buck grinned, "So that's a year to the question." he turned around and held himself up by his elbows, so he was leaning over Eddie who was gazing up at the stars._

_Eddie held out his pinky finger, Buck instantly wrapped his own finger around it before Eddie spoke up,_

_"There's nothing you could do to make me not love you, Evan."_

**present**

Buck stood outside his childhood home, feeling anything but comfortable. It was like nothing had changed, like Buck had just gotten home after a night of exploring the town with Eddie, like he had just returned home from school with Maddie. He glanced down and the Rolex watch that Abby had bought him was a visual reminder that he was no longer that kid that had five dollars to his name, and this was no longer home. 

"Evan!" He grinned the second his sister rushed out of the house and wrapped her arms around him despite their height difference. He had been so tired of only seeing her through video calls, actually being reunited felt a little overwhelming but great. "I've missed you so much, it's great to see you." 

"I missed you too Mads." before he glanced down and took in her baby bump, the guilt of him not being here when she first found out she was having a baby eating away at his brain. "And i can't wait to meet this little guy, he's already my new best friend." 

Maddie led him into his house, her smile extending as she watched Buck reunite with their mother. Buck felt a little breathless after hugging his mother, forgetting how tightly she would often squeeze him and Maddie. Growing up without their father, Alice had become increasingly protective over her children, wary of almost anyone she let into Buck and Maddie's lives. He met Howard ( _but call me 'Chim')_ next, Maddie's partner and the father of his upcoming nephew. He learnt that Chim was a firefighter at the local station, which led them into a whole conversation of what the hell goes on in this town, reminding Buck on what he missed out on. 

They had asked about Abby, Alice was overly excited about the concept of Buck marrying again. The blonde wouldn't deny he felt a little resentful towards his mother, she used to call Eddie a bad influence, _that boy distracts you from school work_ and had tried to convince him not to marry back then, now however? it was a different story. Was it because Abby had wealth and Eddie didn't? Because with Abby, Buck could live in a penthouse in New York? 

Maddie, however, had always been team Eddie. He knew that Maddie still saw Eddie around, although she would never admit it to him. 

"Damn, you really haven't moved a thing, huh?" Buck laughed as he walked into his old bedroom. The same blue wallpaper was on the walls and there they were, his favourite pair of converse left on the ground as if he had kicked them off the day he had left Texas behind and his mother had chosen to leave them there. 

"I knew you would come home eventually." Alice spoke up from her spot in the doorway, she was watching Buck with loving eyes, he almost felt undeserving of them. "I wanted you to know, no matter where you are, this will always be home." 

Buck smiled to himself as he dragged his finger tip along the top of his dresser, seeing the award he had won in school for full attendance. His movements stopped and his smile disappeared almost instantly, that same dread building up in his stomach as his eyes landed on the photo that sat on his table proudly. The picture was of him and Eddie, exactly two minutes after saying _i do_ and marrying each other. Buck knew that by the way he excitedly showing off his ring on the photo, Eddie distracted by pressing a kiss to his cheek to notice Buck had been taking a photo.

They had just turned eighteen when they had married, while Buck's mother had disagreed with him marrying young, she had given in when he promised they wouldn't marry until they were eighteen and had graduated high school. Although, Eddie had proposed to Buck long before that, fifteen to be exact. 

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry, i should have moved that-" she went to reach for the frame but he stood in front of it, preventing it. 

"No, it's fine. Leave it." He shrugged, "We are still married after all." 

She starred at him with sad eyes, he only hoped that she wasn't thinking, _i told you so, you married too young_. Because, it wasn't that. The only thing Buck had ever been certain on was marrying Eddie. 

"H-Have, uh, is he around?" He pulled open the wardrobe, his eyes instantly finding the Eddie's hoodie that Buck had stolen a long time ago, hung up in the wardrobe just like he had left it. Eddie was all over this room, he couldn't deny it even if he wanted to. His old phone charger was most likely still shoved under the bed, his favourite pillow was still pressed up against the wall, his leather jacket hung up on the back of the door, those fluffy socks he used to wear in winter that Buck would tease him for were most likely rolled up in his draw. This wasn't just Buck's childhood room, this had been Eddie's too. 

"His parents still live down the road, his sisters nearby too." she paused, smiling sadly. "Eddie works with Chim, we see him around-" 

"Eddie's a firefighter now?" Buck slowly sat down on his bed, life really did go on without him, before he looked up at his mom.

Instead of asking any more questions, he pushed those thoughts aside, this wasn't his life now. His life was with Abby and he sure as hell was getting that divorce. 

Despite his better judgement, he knew that the reason he had come to Texas was to get Eddie to sign the divorce papers and move on with his life, therefore sitting around in his old bedroom wasn't the best option. And that, is how he ended up standing outside Eddie's house, fortunately, Chim had given Buck his new address and since the town they lived in was so small, it hadn't taken him long to find it. 

He had been working himself up to knock, when the door had opened instead. In that moment, Buck was very thankful that Eddie couldn't see him from where he stood on the drive, as his eyes fell on his husband for the first time in nine years. 

Eddie's hair was shorter, he had a lot of stubble and his arms were evidently bigger. Although, one thing that had never changed was that same over-worn pair of jeans and combat boots that he was wearing. Buck watched as Eddie headed down the steps of his decking, carrying a large storage box under his left arm and distracted by clearing out his front lawn to notice his estranged husband stood there starring at him. 

Buck wished he hadn't gotten Eddie's attention the second he had it. Those dark eyes were starring back at him, shock evident on his expression as he starred at Buck as if he had just witnessed a ghost, the blonde wanted to run. He sure as hell didn't want to be here. 

Instead of saying anything, instead of shouting at Buck, instead of swearing at Buck... Eddie simply dropped the box he was carrying, turned around and slammed the door behind him. 

_Well, he expected as much._


	2. chapter 2: off i go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Eddie come face to face for the first time in nine years, it's safe to say things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song: off i go by greg laswell 
> 
> your comments made me happy, <3 them all!

Buck knew Eddie was stubborn. In fact, he was probably the most stubborn guy he's even known and he had a few examples to back his argument up. For example, when they were sixteen, Eddie's sister had ruined his favourite pair of Dr Martens and that led to Eddie giving her the silent treatment for the following six weeks. Another time, Eddie and another student from their math class had gotten into a fight, due to his refusal to apologise, Eddie had ended up in detention for way longer than necessary. After all, he would rather loose his freedom than apologise. So, yes, Buck knew that Eddie was stubborn.

Therefore, it was expected that the second he laid eyes on Buck, instead of telling him to go fuck himself... all Buck was faced with was complete silence. 

Sitting with his back against the front door, his old door to be exact. When Chim had told Buck where Eddie was living, it turned out he had never moved from the house he and Buck had bought together when they were nineteen. While Buck had moved across the country, Eddie had stayed in their house, in their bed. In the place that was filled with memories of their marriage. He looked around the front yard, everything seemingly the same apart from the truck that Eddie must have bought after Buck left. He wondered what else had changed since. 

"Eddie... are you going to open the door, or am i just going to have to camp out here?" Buck shouted, frustrated at the lack of response. He knocked against the door once more, once again met with nothing but silence. Before, Buck was probably the only person on the planet that Eddie wouldn't give silent treatment too, sure, they argued like any normal couple did, but it appeared that during their relationship Eddie hated not talking to Buck. Eddie's mother would often call Buck _the lucky one_ because _you have a superpower_ since Buck always seemed to be the one that Eddie wouldn't hold a grudge against. Now? It seemed his superpower ability had ran out. 

Lifting himself up from where he had been sat, he moved over to the plant pot that sat on the decking. The same plant pot that they used to keep their spare key under... and if Buck knew Eddie as well as he thought he did, that spare key would still be there. 

Buck grinned, because yes, he clearly did know Eddie. Picking up the spare key, he tried to control the smirk that he has plastered across his face after a second of triumph because _did Eddie really think locking him out would stop him?_

He pushed the front door open and stepped into the house, sighing as he stumbled over a pair of Eddie's boots. Picking them up and neatly placing them by the door, avoiding any future tripping hazards he continued down the ever so familiar hallway, trying to locate any noise in the house that would tell him of his husbands whereabouts. Unfortunately, he headed into the living room, finding it empty, his eyes glancing around the room. 

It was almost like he had never left, the blanket he used to wrap himself up in at night was still thrown over the couch, the coffee table that had a crack in it as a result of a drunken Eddie and Buck falling on top of it one night, remained in it's usual spot. The wallpaper that Buck had watched Eddie put up one summer, he remembered the amusement he felt when Eddie informed him, _this is the only decorating i will ever do for you_ as a result of his frustration and dislike of wallpapering a room. Eddie really hadn't changed a thing. 

**aged 19, buck and eddie. texas**

_"You better not be peaking" Eddie whispered as he pressed himself against Buck's back, his hands still covering the blondes eyes. He was smiling, enjoying teasing his husband since he knew how much Buck hated surprises._

_"I'm not, Eddie!" he groaned, "But can i see yet? Can we hurry, i'm freezing!"_

_Eddie had turned up at the store he was currently working at, asking his boss if he could borrow him before he had proceeded to (in Buck's own words) 'kidnap' him while covering his eyes for the whole journey._

_"Okay... just promise me whatever you have bought, we can afford it." After all, they were two broke nineteen years old who worked low paid jobs, Buck was a little unsure of what he was about to be faced with._

_When Eddie finally removed his hands from his eyes, Buck was faced with a house. For a moment, he tried to figure out who lived here, if he had seen this place before. However, all it took was one glance in the brunettes direction to know whose house this was. It was theirs._

_"You didn't?" Buck's eyes widened as he turned to fully face Eddie, he could read the man like a book, he would be able to tell if he was lying. "You bought us a house?"_

_"Well..." Eddie started, looking almost shy. That was unusual. "The only reason we can afford this is because of all the overtime we have been doing at work recently, also my dad gave us a hefty loan... i mean, uh, as you can see the house isn't huge and it needs a lot of work doing to do it and it could be better but-"_

_Eddie was silenced by Buck kissing him. For a moment the brunette just stood shocked until he finally caught up with what was happening and he was kissing back, wrapping his arms around the blonde until they were pressed incredibly close._

_"I don't care Eddie, i don't care if the house isn't a five bedroom house in a big city, i don't care if the entire house needs a new paint job, i don't care if we don't own any furniture and i don't care where the fuck we live." Buck laughed softly as he pressed their foreheads together, pressing another quick kiss to his husbands lips. "As long as i'm with you, fuck, i'd live anywhere. This-" he pointed towards the house behind them, "Is our home. And fuck, i love you so much-"_

_"Yeah?" Eddie grinned, looking back at him with bright eyes._

_Buck nodded, this house was perfect because it was theirs._

_"I love you so much too." Eddie grinned, "And i love our home."_

**Present**

"Get out of my house-" Buck span around the second he heard that ever so familiar voice, there stood Eddie, arms folded across his chest and an expression that read anything but happy. Buck mentally sighed, preparing himself for this doomed conversation. Turning so he was completely facing his husband, he shrugged, "As much as you may hate to admit it, legally, this house is still mine too." 

Evidently, that hit a nerve as Eddie's expression darkened and he stepped further into the room, but not close enough to be in reach of Buck. Eddie could barley stand to come anywhere near him. 

"Get a lawyer then." Eddie dropped down onto the couch, kicking his legs up onto the coffee table. Buck bit his tongue, Eddie knew that Buck used to tell him not to put his feet up on the coffee table when he had his boots on, evidently he was doing anything he could think of to piss the blonde off. "Until then, get the fuck out of _our_ house and please return to where you came from." He took a moment to glance at Buck's attire before adding, "By the looks of it, you look like you've been living it up." 

Buck chose to ignore that, because he had no snarky come back. After all, Eddie looked the exact same. Sure, he had aged in the nine years they had been apart, he had clearly been working out frequently too, but he was still wearing the same old clothes he would always wear and he still supported that frown that would be there whenever somebody pissed him off. Buck never expected he would be on the receiving line of that frown. 

"Eddie-" Buck sighed when he got zero response from the other guy. In fact, it was almost like Buck wasn't in the room with how Eddie was starring ahead. 

When the brunette successfully ignored him, Buck went to plan B. Moving across the room, he pushed Eddie's leg down from the table and watch as Eddie's face turned thunderous again. "What the fuck are you doing? Seriously, what are you doing here?" Eddie shouted, crowding up to Buck, his jaw tight and hands curled up into fists by his sides. Eddie was angry, anyone would be able to see that, still, he wouldn't hurt him. 

"I need a divorce, Eddie." Buck said, starring back at Eddie to try and see any reaction from the man he married all those years ago.

Nothing, Eddie looked emotionless as he starred back at Buck as if they were strangers. 

And then... Eddie laughed. Buck frowned. 

"I ain't signing no papers, _Evan_." Eddie shrugged simply, as if it was a matter of fact decision. He walked past the blonde, making sure to knock his shoulder as he did. "Thanks for stopping by, i'll see you in another nine years!" 

Buck followed him down the corridor, freezing when he realised Eddie had walked straight into their bedroom. It was Buck's turn to stand moodily in the doorway of a room, watching as Eddie kicked his boots on, once again like Buck wasn't in the room, and laid down on the bed, arm behind his head as if he was about to take a mid-day nap. That only frustrated the blonde more. 

"I didn't come all the way back to this place for you to be stubborn, Eddie. I need that divorce." Buck snapped, taking a second to glance around the room. Painfully aware that he hadn't been here in nine years, how did Eddie manage to stay in this place after Buck had left? "And you are going to sign those god damn papers if it's the last thing you ever do?" 

Eddie smirked, pulling at his socks and throwing them past Buck, towards the laundry basket that was evidently overflowing behind him. Of course, it missed and Eddie made no attempt to correct his bad throw. "No." 

Eddie was stubborn, so unbelievably stubborn and Buck used to think it was endearing. Now? He just wanted to scream at him due to his frustration. 

"The only reason you won't sign those papers is because i want you too." Buck shouted, his voice highlighting his increasing anger. "So, fuck you and give me my divorce." 

Eddie kept his eyes closed, a small smile lingering on his lips, looking as peaceful as ever. 

God, he hated him. 

"Admit it-" Buck moved towards the other man, pulling the pillow that was keeping him up right from under him, mentally celebrating when he watched Eddie's eyes shoot open while he sat up, suddenly more alert. "The only reason you are not signing these papers is to get back at me-" 

Eddie laughed, snatching the pillow back from Buck while muttering _that one is mine_ as if he were some child that refused to share, "incorrect" he added, "the reason why i won't give you a divorce is because you've turned into some uptight, goody-two-shoes who wears-" Eddie reached forward and pulled at Buck's shirt, looking for a logo to indicate what brand he was wearing, "Ralph Lauren. So, no, i won't sign the papers." He moved past him, calling out, "and yes, i love that it'll piss you off!"

Buck straightened his shirt, pressing down the crease Eddie had made and picked up Eddie's socks that the brunette had left on the floor and threw them in the laundry basket on the way out. 

"Are you going to leave?" Eddie asked, phone pressed to his ear as Buck finally caught up to him by the front door. The blonde shook his head, no. 

"Are you going to sign the papers?" Eddie didn't reply, instead he began dialling a number on his phone. "who are you ringing?" 

Eddie smiled, leaning back against the wall, he started smiling the second whoever he was ringing accepted the call. "Hey Athena, how are you? That's great... you have time to pop around the house?" Buck frowned as he listened to Eddie, "No, i'm fine. However, i have a trespasser in my house that refuses to leave so could you make an appearance?" _Oh, go to hell Eddie,_ "Great, thanks Athena" before hanging up, his smile dropping from his face the second it was just him and Buck again. 

"You called the police on me? Really?" Buck laughed, "I'm your husband, you'll have to divorce me if you want me to give up rights to this house-" 

When Eddie didn't reply, the blonde figured they were back to the silent treatment option. Buck decided he preferred when Eddie shouted at him. 

He was unsure how long they stood there, across from each other with their arms crossed, glaring at each other. It gave Buck the chance to really look at Eddie, Eddie who had grown up with such a baby face, who had the best smile, who had a scar under his eye from the time he and Buck went bike riding when they were eleven. His mom had told them to stay on the path, but of course, Eddie hadn't listened and of course... Buck had followed. Eddie had ended up with a pretty bad cut under his eye which had resulted in a scar. 

However, in order to see the scar you had to be pretty close to his face. Buck used to trace it, now, they were stood so far apart that Buck couldn't even see the scar. 

His childhood had been very different to Abby's. She had told him she had grown up in private school, hell, she was captain of the lacrosse team. Buck often felt out of his depth when he would talk about his childhood to Abby, which resulted in him often not discussing his childhood with her. He forgot about the good times they had. 

The knock at the door broke his thoughts, he watched as Eddie rushed forward and let a dark haired lady walked into the house. 

"Seriously? You actually called the cops on me?" Buck groaned when he took in her attire. He watched as she lifted her sunglasses from her eyes and raised an eyebrow between them, he had hoped Eddie had been joking for a moment. Apparently Eddie didn't joke. 

"Athena, meet my ex... although are you officially my ex if we never actually broke up?" Eddie questioned, shooting daggers in Buck's direction. The blonde sighed, Eddie had literally brought a police officer to the house to witness their argument. "Could you tell him to get out of my house, please?" 

Athena glanced between the two men, before adding. "Edmundo Diaz... please tell me you didn't call me to your house to fix a relationship crisis." despite her warning, Eddie looked unfazed, glaring directly at the blonde who was starring right back. Whoever the woman was stood in between them, evidently, Eddie knew since she was cursing him out like his mother would. So, against his better judgement, Buck turned towards Athena and gave his best smile. 

"I'm his husband. My name is right beside his on this house letting." Buck smiled, shooting a _don't you dare_ look towards Eddie when he went to speak. "My name is Evan, nice to meet you. I'm sure Eddie hasn't told you about me, but legally i am his husband. Legally i am allowed to be in this house, isn't that right?" before he added, "Tell me Athena, is it morally right for someone to choose not to sign divorce papers just to annoy you?" 

At this moment in time, Buck was extremely thankful that he had talked Abby out of visiting Texas with him. After all, here he was, stood with his husband and a police officer who was most likely going to accuse them of wasting police time. 

"Eddie, this is a problem for the courts. You should get your divorce and figure out what the hell to do with this house, son." Buck raised an eyebrow as he watched her place a comforting hand against his shoulder, before leaning in closer with a sigh, "It's almost four, Christopher will be home soon. You should stop calling the police on your ex and think is this really what you want him to see when he comes home?" 

For a moment both men were silent. Eddie seemed to be at war with his own mind while Buck simply starred at him with a clenched jaw, because who the hell was Christopher? 

"Christopher?" Buck scoffed, drawing the attention to himself once more. "So, you failed to mention some other guy is living in my house?"

Here he was, nervous to tell Eddie that the reason he wanted a divorce was because he was engaged to Abby, and it turned out Eddie wasn't alone after all. 

Eddie's eyes darkened again, starring at Buck as he looked past Athena. 

"That _guy_ you are referring to-" Eddie snapped, "Is my eight year old son." 

Evan's assumption was wrong, very wrong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	3. chapter 3: high hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck struggles to come to terms with what he's missed while in New York while Eddie struggles to be anywhere near Buck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> high hopes by kodaline !!!
> 
> a few mentions of original characters in this chapter
> 
> sometimes i forget i'm a British person writing a fic set in America so a little mention to underage drinking in this chapter!!!

7am in his small town in Texas was very different to 8am in New York City. 7am in New York consisted of _stress_ , everybody was rushing around the big city to get to work, the subway would be overcrowded, the streets filled with the sound of aggressive car horns that would wake even the deepest sleepers up. 

7am in Texas, however, that was a whole other story. 

It was quiet, the only sound that could be heard was Buck's breathing against the cold morning air and the sound of a nearby bird that kept distracting the blonde from his inner thoughts. Buck was starring ahead at the calm lake, his eyes focused on the sunrise that was making it's way through the gaps of the trees ahead. 

Beside him, Maddie sat, aware that Buck needed some quiet time, she remained as invisible as possible. However, Maddie being Maddie, kept sneaking glances in her brothers direction, in attempt to see if his expression had changed from the troubled one that had been plastered on his face ever since he had returned from seeing Eddie yesterday. The second Buck had walked out of that house, he felt like he was that same twenty-one year old that had left all those years ago, the same twenty-one year old that felt emotionally vulnerable and wanted to run. This time however, he didn't run, he went to his mom and Maddie. 

He didn't know what he had expected. For Eddie to be sat on the doorstep after nine years patiently waiting for Buck's return? For Eddie to cry when Buck harshly demanded he sign the divorce papers? Instead of all he received was built up anger and the cold realisation that Eddie didn't ask why Buck didn't come home, why Buck was asking for a divorce. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Buck suddenly asked, startling Maddie beside him who had been lost in her own thoughts. It didn't take a genius to understand how protective Maddie was of her brother, Buck only wished he understood why she would keep something as important as his husband being a father to a whole human being a secret from him. After all, it wasn't like he fell out of touch with his sister. Sure, he didn't speak to her as much as he did and he hadn't seen her face to face for years, but he would still have answered her call. "Eddie has a child, a son... you let me go over to our- his house and didn't tell me?" 

Maddie sighed beside him, clearly unsure of her own answer. 

He was mad, although part of him, the guilty Buck that was in there somewhere, knew that he didn't have any right to be mad at any of his family for choosing what to tell him and what not to tell him. He choose to leave after all, and with leaving he choose to give up his right to know. 

"When you left Texas you didn't speak to me and mom properly for years. Sure, you were on the other end of the phone, but you were distant Evan." Maddie replied, her eyes still focused ahead and not on her brother. Buck was thankful for that. "But when you did speak to us, you made it clear that you didn't want to talk about anything to do with your life here in Texas." she shrugged, "Evan, your entire life here in Texas was Eddie." 

Buck glanced down at his boots, overly expensive but still really not effective in the Texas country. He picked at the leather as a way to avoid looking up and seeing Maddie starring back at him, there's one thing he hated and that was upsetting Maddie. 

"So me and mom made a mutual decision to not mention Eddie." she added, "and that included not mentioning Eddie's child. I'm sorry you found out this way, but Buck, he didn't cheat on you- you were gone. Your marriage wasn't a marriage anymore" 

Buck scoffed, _tell that to their marriage certificate, tell that to their vows._ "I'm pretty sure i had the right to know that the man i had been with more than half my life was suddenly a father to a child." he rubbed at his eye, letting his frustration show in his movements. 

Buck knew he sounded naive, after all, he was gone for nine years did he really expect everyone to stay the same?

"Buck, you weren't here. You didn't see Eddie after you left he-" Buck cut her off, not wanting to hear what the hell happened to his husband after he left. He didn't want to hear it because Eddie wasn't his husband anymore, no, legally sure, but he was sure as hell getting this divorce now. His future was with Abby, Abby who wouldn't judge him for leaving Texas, who was offering him a brand new life in New York, Abby who was the complete opposite of Eddie. 

As if she was reading his thoughts, she shrugged, "Your life is with Abby now, Buck." And Buck knew that, if only his stubborn husband would do them both the favour of signing the papers so he could catch the first flight back to New York and leave this town behind for good. 

His eyes drifted back to his sister, seeing her hand pressed against her bump. _Well, maybe he wouldn't leave everything in this town for good._

"I'm sorry Mads." The rational Evan was in there somewhere, trying to make an appearance and avoid falling out with everyone he's ever loved while he was back in Texas. After all, he wanted his sister and mom at the wedding. He needed to balance out his guests with Abby's guests. "Maybe we should stop talking about me and Eddie and start talking about you and Chim." he watched as her smile grew at the mention of her partner, she looked happy and that's all Buck has ever wanted for Maddie. At least something good could come out of this trip. 

"As much as you would try to argue against it, Evan. You were missed around here." He didn't know why hearing that hurt so much, the selfish part of him had wanted everyone to forget about him when he left Texas, as if that would have destroyed the guilt he felt for leaving in the first place. After all, he couldn't forget, every time Abby would mention which childhood friends she was bringing to their wedding, it would take Buck straight back to his childhood. "Hen and Karen are married now a days, you remember they were always at the bar down the street on a Thursday night waiting for us all with shots" Buck chuckled lightheartedly, it wasn't a Thursday if it didn't involve getting drunk in a true Texan bar, singing the worst possible southern songs on karaoke and walking home at 4am with a bad head and multiple regrets. "Please tell me you remember that night Hen fell off stage while singing Dixieland Delight on karaoke with Eddie-" 

Buck watched as his sister physically winced when she mentioned Eddie, shooting an apologetic look towards the blonde as if she expected his mood to change again. 

But, no, Buck continued laughing along with her. He remembered that night clearly, "And she took Eddie down with her." he chuckled, Hen had slipped off the stage and tried to grab Eddie as a way to prevent her inevitable fall, but of course, Plan A had failed and she ended up grabbing Eddie's shirt and pulling him off the stage with her. "I can't remember the last time i laughed that hard." 

"Shame we can't stay that young forever, huh?" Buck didn't need to look at Maddie to know she was smiling sadly at him. 

**Aged 20. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_"See you around, Buddy!" A friend, Leo, called out towards Buck as he leaned over the table and grabbed Eddie's jacket and Hen's purse that they had abandoned. He slipped on Eddie's jacket, after all, he had made the mistake of leaving his coat at home and Eddie had made the mistake of leaving his jacket behind which gave Buck the easy opportunity to steal it and protect himself from the cold winter they were currently experiencing._

_Waving tiredly to a few familiar faces he passed in their local bar, he pushed the door open and groaned, the second the cold air hit he could already feel the hangover that would be with him when he woke up in the morning._

_When he finally caught sight of Eddie and Hen, stood in the middle of the road and in the middle of a duet of Fleetwood Mac's 'go your own way', his first instinct was to shout at them for running out of the bar without warning and leaving him behind. However, when he saw his husband laughing while Hen threw her arms around them, both of them swinging side to side, with little care in the world, Buck's drunken annoyance turned into adoration._

_"Hey! Hands off-" he teased, sliding in between Hen and Eddie and breaking their friendly hug apart. "Get your own Eddie"_

_He laughed off Hen's gasp, instead choosing to wrap his arms around a drunken Eddie, smirking at Hen as she continued singing, clearly over Buck stealing Eddie back. Following her down the street, the blonde titled his head to look at Eddie who was awkwardly walking with his head pressed downwards into the side of Buck's shoulder. When Eddie looked up and caught his eyes, the brunette slurred "Love you, baby."_

_And in typical Buck style when reacting to Eddie, the blonde blushed before leaning over and pressing their lips together. "I love you." was his quick reply before Hen had rushed back in their direction, almost knocking them over with excitable force._

_"Ugh, you ruined the moment Hen!" Eddie groaned, although there was humour in his tone. "I can't wait until you get married so you stop third wheeling."_

_Hen went to argue, but whatever she said remained a mystery for Buck as Eddie clumsily grabbed ahold of Buck's face and kissed him until he was breathless._

**present**

Speaking to Abby was a good thing, Buck decided as he laid against his childhood bed, aimlessly starring up at the ceiling with his phone pressed to his ear, listening to Abby talk about the business meeting she had at work and their plans to introduce a new office on the west coast. Buck appreciated that, tonight he just wanted to listen and not talk, he had used up all of his energy since returning to Texas, and by listening to Abby rant about her father putting too much pressure on her, it reminded Buck why he had returned here in the first place. 

To get that damn divorce. 

Sure, when he had found out that Eddie had a child, he may have come across a little emotional, taking it out on Maddie. 

But now, listening to Abby talk, he was reminded that Eddie was non of his business anymore. He didn't need to talk about Eddie or his son, because as soon as Eddie signs his name on that dotted line the guy doesn't have to worry about ever seeing him again. 

"So, how is it back there?" Damn, Buck really wanted to get away from Abby bringing up anything to do with Texas and more importantly anything to do with Eddie. Abby knew Buck hardly talked about Eddie, after all, when they had started dating, it took the blonde a while to admit he was actually legally married. She had been a little hurt until Buck swore that he and Eddie were completely over, even changing the subject every time she even attempted to question Buck about his past relationship, his only relationship. "Are the papers signed?" 

He mentally cringed as he stared at the picture of him and Eddie, that for some reason was still on his bedroom draws, before Buck tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. "We are in the process of it." He wasn't exactly lying, after all, he sure as hell wasn't going to let Eddie win this argument. "Don't worry, i'll be back in New York soon." 

He heard the sigh of relief that Abby let out on the other end of the phone, before she spoke up. "I have to admit... i was a little worried about you going back there." 

Buck quirked an eyebrow, "Yeah? Whys that?" 

She chuckled, almost as if she was embarrassed to admit it. It wasn't often Buck witnessed an awkward Abby, she was always so headstrong and determined. "I guess, this guy... Eddie, the thought of him kind of intimidates me." she quickly added before Buck could cut in, "I know you don't really talk about him... i mean, i don't even know what the guy looks like! But, one thing i do know is that he is your first love..." 

"Abby..." Buck's voice was strained, he almost wanted to hang up and run. After all, running was what he was best at. 

"I've never really had a relationship like that... you married him when you were teenagers. You must have really loved him to marry the guy you met when you were five years old." He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing that Abby would go back to talking about office drama and not his and Eddie's relationship. "I just was unsure how you were going to react when you went home." **Home,** he had spent so long trying to stop people linking him to Texas that hearing Abby refer to this place as his home, hurt. 

"Abby, listen. Me and Eddie-" He swallowed, looking away from the photo frame. "You don't need to feel intimidated by Eddie, Abby. I promise, as soon as i've gotten this divorce i'm coming home to New York-" 

For a moment both were silent until Abby spoke up again, "That's great Evan." before she added, "My dad is waving me over, i best go see what he wants. Call you later?" 

Saying their goodbyes, Buck sighed as he dropped his phone against his chest and mentally prepared himself for his new meeting with Eddie. He was unsure how long he laid there with his eyes closed, however, soon enough there was a knock at his door, dragging him from his un-peaceful slumber. 

"Hey, Evan. Me and Chim are going to get some food. Wanna come?" For a moment he was silent, trying to think of a valid enough excuse that would get him out of that. Not that he didn't want to spend some time with his sister and Chim, but more that he wanted to lay under the covers all night and distract himself from his current dilemma. However, when his sister looked at him with a hopeful grin, he chuckled, Maddie 1 - Buck 0. 

"So, Buck. How is the big city treating you?" Chim asked as they walked ahead of Maddie, aimlessly following the familiar path into town. 

"It's great. If you told fifteen year old me i'd be living in New York... i'd have most likely passed out." he teased, "It's a lot different to growing up here." 

Chim laughed, "You don't say. I couldn't live in a big city, especially as a firefighter." He shrugged, glancing over his shoulder and smiling lovingly at Maddie who had her arms wrapped comfortably around her bump. "I'm definitely a small town boy through and through... i can't wait for our kid to grow up here." 

"I suppose it is a good place to grow up." Buck smiled, at least that's what the old Buck would have said. He glanced towards Chim, "So a firefighter, huh?" 

Chim grinned, all teeth, clearly proud of his job. "Oh yeah, pretty cool right?" 

"And you work with Eddie?" Buck smiled as he watched Chim look slightly uncomfortable at the mention of Eddie, as if he didn't know how to talk about Eddie around Buck. "It's okay, you can talk about him. Are you friends?" 

"Eddie's a good friend yeah." Chim smiled, "We met when we were put on the same shifts."

They continued their conversation, Buck for once felt relaxed. It turned out that Chim was a pretty cool guy and Buck was pretty happy that Maddie had found him, found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and have a child with. 

"Hey, Buck. Maybe we should head this way-" the blonde frowned when Maddie caught up to them, linking her arm with her brothers and attempting to tug him across the road. However, the size difference between the two became evident as Buck barley moved, only frowning as he looked back at his sister. "C'mon, it's a shortcut."

Now Buck knew something was wrong, after all, he had grown up here too and knew for a fact heading in the a different direction was far from a shortcut, and if the expression on Maddie's face was anything to go by, he would say his suspicions would be confirmed.

He laughed, "Maddie, are you okay?" before his face turned serious, "Seriously? What's wrong?" 

He didn't need Maddie to answer, instead he just followed Chim's line of sight until it fell on Eddie. He was in front of them, with his back to them so he was unaware they were there, but Buck still knew that was Eddie. 

"Buck, maybe we should-" Buck frowned, Maddie's arm on his arm was grounding but not enough. His attention was completely focused on Eddie.

Eddie who was smiling as he picked up a child, his child. A cute kid with blonde curls and wearing converses, completely oblivious to Buck starring at them. His eyes remained on them until Eddie walked them around the corner, clearly in a deep conversation with his son. 

Instead of storming towards them, demanding his divorce. 

Buck did the opposite, turned around and left. 


	4. chapter 4: the cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck steps his plan in getting his divorce.
> 
> Even if Eddie has an adorable son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the cold by exitmusic !! - shoutout to the season 4 final of Shameless for introducing me to that song.

**Aged 13. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_Buck and Eddie were sat side by side, legs aimlessly swinging in sync over the stair banister as they watched Eddie's older sisters argue at the bottom of the stairs. Buck was looking wide eyed, sure, he and Maddie had their occasional argument but he can honestly say his sister has never lunged at him before._

_Meanwhile, Eddie, clearly used to his sisters fighting, was sat beside the blonde smirking._

_"What are they even fighting about?" Buck whispered, leaning impossibly close to the other boy out of fear that either Adriana or Sophia would overhear and turn on him. Eddie shrugged, pausing a minute to laugh when Adriana grabbed Sophia's phone and running away with it until both girls were out of sight. "I think Adriana likes the boy Sophia likes... or something dumb like that." Eddie replied, finally turning his attention to Buck. "They're pretty dramatic, mom made them sit in separate rooms at dinner last night."_

_Buck, still a little tense, simply nodded. However, curiosity got the better of him and he was pushing at the brunettes shoulder again. "What's so special about this guy?"_

_Eddie laid back against the carpeted floor of his house, legs still hung over the banister before he sighed, "I don't know Buck-" he reached forward and grabbed ahold of the hood of the sweater Buck was currently wearing, tugging him backwards until the blonde was mirroring his position beside him. "They're always fighting about something, makes sense that they would fight over boys too."_

_Buck hummed, as if he was processing the information before he smiled at Eddie, "Would you ever fight over me with someone?"_

_"Obviously." Eddie replied, as if Buck's question was the most stupid question anybody has ever asked. "And i would win."_

_Knocking their shoulders together, Buck smiled up at the ceiling, happy with Eddie's response._

_"Boys...do i have to step over you both every time i need to go downstairs?" Ramon Diaz questioned as he physically stepped over the two boys, smiling as he heard both of them call out 'yes dad' and 'yes Mr Diaz' at the same time._

**Present**

Buck was officially done with this town. The second he had that divorce he was jumping on a plane and not looking back and forgetting the name Eddie Diaz ever existed. 

At least, that's what he told himself as he stood outside the local fire station, Chimney's lunch bag in one arm and an unsigned copy of his and Eddie's divorce papers in the other. When Maddie had grumpily declared that Chim had once again forgotten his lunch when he had rushed off to work, Buck took it upon himself to suggest he took the food to his brother in law. After all, Maddie was pregnant and grumpy so he was only protecting Chim's feelings by preventing him experiencing a Maddie rant once she got to his work. 

However, apparently, it took a bit of convincing as Maddie was come to the instant conclusion that the reason Buck wanted to go to Chim's work was not because of the good of his heart, or that he simply wanted to know where the man worked. It was because he knew Eddie worked there and he really needed those papers signed. 

Buck was thankful his sister was heavily pregnant however as it hadn't taken long to convince her that a movie in the comfort of her own home was a better option for her than chasing after Chimney with his lunch. 

He grinned when Chimney had rushed down the stairs and let him in, thanking the blonde for his errand. "You didn't have to come all the way down here, buddy. We do have food in the fridge." Chimney laughed as the blonde followed him through the fire station, his eyes doing a scan of every room they passed in an attempt to locate the man he used to call his husband. 

"No worries." Buck shrugged, "It's not like i have anything else to do down here." 

He traced his finger along the lockers, smiling when he saw Chimney's name scribbled across one with bright yellow letters. An unfamiliar feeling arose when his hand stopped on the locker with 'Diaz' across the front. 

Chimney hummed in agreement, pushing open the door to the communal area where there was a kitchen and dining area. When there was still no sight of Eddie, Buck mentally cursed himself for the wasted journey, "I guess... i'll see you back at yours?" Buck spoke up, watching Chimney place his food in the fridge. 

However, before Chimney had the opportunity to respond Buck was turning around at the sound of the door behind him being swung open. A handful of firefighters walked through the door, clearly just returning from a call out if their uniforms and dirty faces were another thing to go by, the small amount of them headed straight towards the kitchen barley paying any attention to the unfamiliar face which was Buck. 

Buck was unsure why, but when he heard the "Yo Diaz!" from one of the men in the room, he felt a little breathless, which only worsened as suddenly Eddie was walking into the room, his uniform still on and messy hair from the helmet he had just pulled off his head. 

For a moment Buck just starred as the brunette hadn't spotted him in the room, too preoccupied with wiping the dirt that had built up on his face off and grabbing the water bottle that one of the guys had thrown across the room for him. 

Buck watched as Chimney, who had been distracted by one of his friends, caught sight of Eddie and cringed. Evidently, for a moment he had forgotten that Buck was here. 

Considering Buck had confidently marched over here ready to demand his divorce, he suddenly felt unsure how to approach the brunette in his own environment. So he stayed put, watching as Eddie continued cleaning himself up, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to correct the mess the helmet had made of it. All Buck could think of was that's how he used to look when he had bed head. His eyes drifted down towards his arms, Eddie had been a skinny kid, Buck wouldn't deny that he could see the muscle he had built up over time and the tattoo on his forearm. 

"Are you kidding me?" _Shit,_ Buck looked up and was met with the angry face of Eddie Diaz and damn did he looked pissed. "First you come to my house and now you come to my work? Where next, Buck? My doctors office?" 

Buck huffed, snarky Eddie it was. He didn't care that he was stood in a room of strangers that were all inclined to be on Eddie's side since they were his work friends and Buck was just going to come across as the asshole ex, he saw the opportunity and ran with it. "If it means that you'll sign these god damn papers i'll follow you anywhere." Eddie's eyes landed on the papers in Buck's hold and he laughed, his amusement evident in his face as he nodded towards them. 

"How many of those are you going to shove in my face before you get the hint." Buck stood his ground when Eddie moved towards him, he wasn't going to let Eddie past- his thoughts were cut off as instead of pushing Buck out of the way, Eddie simply leaned over him to grab an apple from the counter, shooting the blonde a sarcastic grin as they turned their heads at the same time, faces inches apart, before Eddie bit into his apple with little care in the world. 

Buck pushed him back, standing up straight and attempting to regain any argument he still had left in him. 

"And you must be Evan." The blonde glanced up at the older man that was sat on one of the chairs, a mug of coffee in his hold. He nodded between he and Eddie before speaking up again, "I'm Bobby, my wife was the officer that handled your little domestic the other day." 

Before Buck could formally introduce himself, Eddie was pushing his hand back down, preventing him from shaking his hand. The blonde gritted his teeth in response. 

"Boys, maybe we should take this somewhere else." Chimney butted in, standing beside Eddie and shooting him a look. Buck knew he was doing this as a favour to Maddie, and if Buck was a better person maybe he would back down and take Chimney's advice. 

But he wasn't the better person. 

"Don't worry, Chim." Eddie grinned as he patted the dark haired man on the shoulder, "I'll be in the showers. Make sure he doesn't follow." 

Buck waited exactly five seconds before following Eddie out of the door he had just walked through, brushing off Chimney when the guy failed to stop him. He made a mental note to apologies to Chimney later on, not wanting to face annoying a pregnant Maddie. 

The brunette was in the locker room when Buck finally caught up to him, apparently Eddie was a fast walking nowadays too. "I'm pretty sure you shouldn't even be here, you don't work here." Eddie commented as he sat down on one of the benches in the room, leaning over to start un-lacing his combat boots. "What's your job like in New York? I imagine it's like one of those places with the fancy water fountains and glass offices... i'm right aren't i?" 

The smirk on Eddie's face was enough for Buck to snap. 

"I can't believe i ever married you." Buck starred at Eddie, waiting for a reaction to his harsh words, a flinch...anything. But, no, Eddie just continued un-lacing his boots before he kicked them both off and went to pull off his socks. "I should've listened to my mom when she told me better things were out there for me. She was right." 

He smirked when he saw Eddie's jaw clench, proud that he had gotten some reaction out of him while attempting to rile him up. However, it only lasted a moment before Eddie was looking back up at him and standing up to full height, tugging his braces off his shoulders. "You forget where you came from, sweetheart." Eddie stepped forward, closer. "Me and you were brought up in the same place, the only difference is i don't pretend to be something i'm not." 

It was Buck's turn to clench his jaw as Eddie continued, "You can pretty yourself up in the big city all you want. Try to be one of those rich kids outta' touch with reality." Eddie shrugged, still smirking. "But at the end of the day you will always be boy who grew up in the south, the kid whose dad ran out on him to marry another women and have a perfect little life while you were left behind."

Buck flinched at the mention of his father, that was the problem with Eddie, he knew him too well. He knew how to love him, he knew how to make him laugh and smile. But he knew his biggest insecurities and knew how to hurt him. Just like Buck knew how to hurt Eddie right back. 

"Huh, maybe you are more like your dad than i thought." Eddie didn't mean that, he couldn't have, he knew how much Buck resented his dad for running off and finding a new family, forgetting he and Maddie ever existed. Still, that didn't stop Buck pushing at Eddie's shoulder, despite the brunettes lack of movement. 

"Don't ever compare me to that man." Buck snapped, trying to prevent himself from shouting and drawing attention to them from the people in the other room. "You know i am not my father-" 

Eddie shrugged, picking up his shoes and throwing them into his locker, making as much noise as possible out of frustration. "That's the thing, _Evan_ , i thought i knew you." Eddie added, starring at the blonde with so much anger that he hadn't seen from Eddie before. "After all, i was the one who laid in bed with you...holding you while you cried after he abandoned you. Shame i didn't realise that you would end up abandoning me too." 

Buck looked away, before shaking his head. "That's not true" before he added, "There was two in us in that marriage-"

Eddie slammed his locker closed, laughing as he looked back at Buck once more. "Maybe your next marriage will work out." The silence in the room after Eddie spoke was painful, Buck physically tensed as he starred back at Eddie, his voice quiet as he asked, 

"How do you know i'm getting married?" He was never planning on Eddie finding out, in fact, he was never planning on being here that long anyway. 

"You may think that we are all uneducated and stupid down here." Eddie shrugged, "But i know you Buck, i knew there was a reason you came back so desperate for me to do you a favour and sign those papers." 

He glanced down to the unsigned papers still in his hold, knowing he wasn't about to get his wish of Eddie actually being civil and agreeing to sign the papers anytime soon. "So, what? Is that the reason you won't sign the papers?" Buck shouted, aware that his voice was getting louder but he wasn't planning to stay much longer and continue this never ending argument with the man in front of him. "Because, if that's the case. I think i'm entitled to be a little mad that you had a child, what? a year after i left and nobody told me." 

Eddie's face hardened, "Don't talk about my son." before he added, "Do not compare my child to your new relationship

Buck laughed, shaking his head. "Just tell me one thing." he sneered, "When i brought up options of us having a child, you were terrified. But a year after i go you decide that maybe you are father material after all... so tell me, how the hell did that happen?" 

Buck probably didn't have any right to quiz Eddie on his own child, however, he was so pent up over being compared to his dead-beat dad that Buck wasn't pulling any punches. Instead, he starred back at the brunette, waiting for some explanation of who the hell Eddie got pregnant after he left. 

"Someone i know, huh?" he quizzed, when Eddie didn't respond, he pushed. "Are you still with them? Who?" 

"I don't owe you shit." Eddie pushed past him, this time leaving the locker rooms behind and into the showers. For a moment Buck just stood there, starring at the door Eddie had just stormed through. For once, he decided to follow his better judgement and not chase after Eddie in the shower room, instead he turned around and headed back into the reception area. Shooting Chimney an apologetic smile as he spotted the man stood, arms crossed and leaning against one of the walls. 

"You should probably go Buck." he patted him on the shoulder, a look of sympathy that Buck most likely didn't deserve. "Eddie's probably tired... which means he's grumpy. If you are going to get your papers signed, i'd wait till you weren't screaming at each other." 

As desperate as Buck was to get his papers signed, he knew Chim made a very good point. He almost forgot that other people knew Eddie, maybe not as well as he did, but he wasn't about to argue with Chim over Eddie's stubbornness. 

"Hey Chim, Eddie around?" Both men turned at the sound of another voice. The blonde paled as he was met with the sight of his husbands mother, the woman was stood in the entrance, her arm wrapped around a small boy with a pair of crutches, his glasses slipping down as his nose as he pushed them back up with a grin in Buck's direction. 

He had Eddie's smile, was the first thing that Buck decided as he starred back at the kid, unable to stop himself from smiling back at the boy. 

However, when Helena Diaz cleared her throat, he was suddenly back in the awkward situation of being reunited with his mother in law. "Well, i was definitely not expecting to see you around Evan." He couldn't read her tone, was unable to determine if she was pissed or happy to see him. 

"Good to see you, Helena." He forced a smile, wondering if anybody else could see how uncomfortable he was right now. Not only did he have Eddie's adorable child starring up at him, Eddie's mom was looking at him as if she was trying to work out what had changed about him since the last time she saw him. 

She hummed, before turning to Chimney. "Eddie told me to drop Christopher off here at the end of his shift, i'm not too early am i?" Helena questioned, running a hand through her grandsons blonde curls. 

"Nah, he's just cleaning up." Chimney smiled, "If you are in a rush you can leave the kid with me, we've hung out before, right buddy?" 

Christopher grinned, all teeth and cuteness. "Yep!" 

Helena nodded, thanking Chimney as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to Christopher's forehead. "I'll see you soon, darling." before she stepped back, "Tell your dad i'll talk to him later, okay?" 

Buck assumed she was going to call him to ask what the hell Buck was doing back. 

Buck was unsure how long he was looking at Christopher, mentally working out all the features he had that resembled his fathers. However, he was soon brought out of his trance by Chimney's elbow connecting with his ribs, he groaned, biting back a curse word, after all, children were present as he turned his attention to the other man. "I'm going to take Christopher to the lounge while we wait for his dad, alright?" Chimney said as he nodded towards the kid who was looking back at him with wide eyes, clearly intrigued. "I'll see you at home?" 

Buck nodded slowly, he already regretted coming here and lecturing Eddie about the innocent child that stood in front of him. 

Until- "Daddy!" Christopher grinned, and _shit._

Buck glanced over his shoulder and saw the tense look that was plastered across the brunettes face. He looked irritated that Buck was beside his son, but his eyes also softened as the fell on Christopher. Still sounding a little off, Eddie moved forward, eyeing Buck as he did. "Hey, kid." Before he was throwing his arms out and picking Christopher up, "Ready to go home?" 

Buck looked away, choosing to stare at his trainers instead of watching Eddie carry his son. "You gonna say bye, Christopher?" Eddie spoke up again, and Buck's head shot up, smiling as his eyes met Christopher's once more. 

Eddie didn't look angry as he watched Christopher say goodbye to Buck and Chim, he looked sad. 

**aged 20. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_Buck was in awe. Everything else in the room didn't matter as his eyes were locked on Eddie, Eddie who was stood a few steps ahead, rocking his new baby niece in his arms. And the blonde couldn't handle it, the scene in front of him was almost too much to handle. Buck was in love._

_"She's so gorgeous, Sophia." Eddie smiled as he finally looked up from baby Isabelle, turning his attention to his sister. Finally, he turned and looked at Buck, who of course, was already starring back._

_"You wanna hold, Buck?" Eddie asked softly, holding the newborn out towards his husband._

_Buck shook his head a little too quickly, "I will soon" However, he leaned forward and carefully stroked his finger against the top of her dark hair. "She looks pretty comfortable in her uncles arms right now, wouldn't want to separate you both."_

_Eddie smiled as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Buck's cheek, "You're her uncle too, Buck." but quickly added, "But i'll keep holding her if it makes you happy."_

_Buck smirked, returning another kiss to Eddie before they both turned their attention back to the peaceful newborn._

_The blondes eyes drifted back up to Eddie's face after a while, in love with the look of adoration that was on his face._

_And Buck knew, he wanted a baby with the man he loved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are all good 
> 
> angst! angst! angst!


	5. chapter 5: six degrees of separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck learns more about Christopher
> 
> and recalls the good times in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> six degrees of separation by the script ! (otherwise known as the ultimate breakup song)

"We are just having some issues with the paperwork." Buck lied, the phone pressed against his ear as he rested his head against the staircase, starring aimlessly at the wall. He felt guilt, guilt over the fact that he was constantly giving Abby an excuse as to why he wasn't divorced yet and why he hadn't returned to New York yet. After all, she was about to start a new job as a manager and any good partner would be there supporting her. 

Instead, he was stuck in Texas, seeing the man he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with everyday and not making any progress in the divorce. 

"Hows the company?" He asked, in an attempt to change the subject. He knew once he got Abby talking about work she would be distracted for a while and that was Buck's entire aim during the conversation. He wondered what it would be like when he returned to New York, leaving Texas behind. After all, the first time he left Texas, he had spent years avoiding most people. Would he be able to go back to New York and pretend that Eddie didn't exist anymore, accept that this is the last time he would be seeing him? 

"I could always come down to Texas... that's if i can find somebody to cover me at work." Abby suggested and Buck felt instant dread. It's not that Buck didn't want Abby to meet his mom and Maddie, after all, they'd be meeting her at the wedding. It was that Buck didn't want Abby to come to Texas to experience where he grew up and more importantly, to meet Eddie. 

"That's okay, Abby." Buck assured, "You stay there...my mom would only overwhelm you anyway." At least he wasn't lying there. 

When he saw Maddie stood at the bottom of the stairs, he said his goodbyes to Abby and promised to call her later on, shooting a smile in his sisters direction. She sighed as she sat on the stair beside him, knocking their shoulders together. "So...how long are you going to hide Abby from us? Mom is borderline desperate." There was humour behind her question so Buck hoped she was not taking it personally, after all, Maddie was one of Buck's favourite people alive and he'd love for Maddie to meet Abby. After all, who wouldn't want to meet Maddie. 

However, the Buck he used to be was still in there. The Buck that had only ever had one relationship his entire life, Buck didn't need to introduce his family to Eddie because from the age of five Eddie was attached to his hip, Maddie had grown up knowing Eddie too. She had no idea who Abby was and that was what made him nervous, introducing his family to somebody who was not Eddie. 

"It's not that, Mads." Buck shrugged, "She's just busy with work and...uh, i don't want her to bump into Eddie so it's best that you just wait to meet her at the wedding, where Eddie won't be. Alright?" 

Maddie must have understood that as a moment later she changed the subject, leaning forward and grabbing her brothers hand. "I heard you met Christopher today." Her voice was soft, almost like she felt bad for him. 

"Uh, yeah. Pretty cute, huh?" Buck smiled, although the smile didn't reach his eyes. He looked away from Maddie, afraid that if he looked too long she would question him further. In the end, it was Buck that decided to bring up questions. "Do you know much about Christopher-" 

Maddie instantly cut Buck off with a sad smile, "I'm not sure this is a good idea, Evan." 

But he was already shaking his head, he needed to know and Eddie sure as hell wasn't about to tell him. "It's fine, Mads. I'm with Abby, me and Eddie are over...really." he sighed, running a hand through his blonde curls. "Is Eddie with somebody?" 

It was non of his business, of course it wasn't. After all, he had made such a big deal out of Eddie confronting him about his engagement and Eddie didn't even know Abby's name. But here he was, asking information on Eddie's child. 

Maddie gave her brother a knowing look before she gave in, "Eddie is with nobody Buck." she squeezed the hand still in her grip, "It's just him and Christopher. You don't need to worry."

Buck frowned at that, why would Buck be worried about anything to do with Eddie. The only thing about Eddie he was worried about was if he was ever going to sign their divorce papers, or if he was just trying to keep him captive in Texas. 

"So Christopher's-" 

"She died when he was little. It's just him and Eddie." Buck suddenly felt another weight of guilt on top of the rest, he regretted even asking. Maddie must have understood his lack of response as she nudged his arm, getting his attention. "Eddie and Shannon, they weren't a thing. He didn't go off and meet somebody new Buck, it wasn't like that. It wasn't a relationship" 

Was Buck a bad person for feeling somewhat relieved at Maddie's words, even though he was the one that left? 

"Eddie, uh, for a while after you left, he drank...the amount of times Hen or Athena...his parents, had to drag him back home with a bruised face-" 

Buck butted in at that point, "Bruised face?" 

"Apparently fighting was Eddie's way of dealing with your marriage falling apart." Maddie studied Buck's face, as if she was trying to decide if telling her brother this was actually a smart idea. Hell, Buck knew, it was most likely a bad idea. But that didn't stop him from urging her to continue. "But then, he had Christopher. That kid is a ray of sunshine, he's strong." _like his dad, went unsaid._

"Christopher was born with cerebral palsy." She continued, "Eddie may have been a little out of depth at first...but, he had his family around him. And Christopher, i mean, you've seen him-" she smiled, and Buck had to smile back. "He's a great. Funny like his dad" 

Evan leaned back against the top of the stairs, attempting to process the new information, his heart hammering away in his chest.

Maddie stood up, holding a hand out for her brother to take. "Eddie will sign the divorce papers, Evan." the blonde allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, careful that they were both still stood on the top of the stairs. "You know he's a good guy." 

**aged 21. Eddie and Maddie. Texas**

_"C'mon Eddie, your neck won't thank you for that in the morning." Eddie sighed as she pulled at the brunettes arm, however, it was clear that she wouldn't be able to shift the drunk man from the bar by herself._

_Eddie grumbled, indicating he was awkward and annoyed by Maddie's intervention. "You can't keep doing this, Eddie." Maddie sighed in defeat as the second she let go of his arm it fell back down and hit the surface of the gritty bar, Eddie covering his head and turning away from her. "Please don't make me ring your sisters." She threatened, knowing Adriana and Sophia were her last hope._

_Surprising_ _Maddie, Eddie spoke. "Do you know where he is?" Despite his drunken state, his voice was soft and quiet, slightly muffled against the bar._

_"You know i do." Maddie leaned forward and ran a hand through his hair, eyes sad as he allowed her to comfort him. Eddie wasn't a big drinker, at least, he hand't been beforehand. "Please let me take you home-"_

_He shook his head quickly, clearly against that idea. "I can't sleep there." His words were slurring but she heard that perfectly. "Too much of Evan."_

_He had only been gone a couple of weeks, however, Eddie seemed to be getting worse, not better. If the cut lip and bruised eye was anything to go by. "You know i can't leave you here." I'm your sister in law after all, left unsaid._

_Eddie laughed, all broken. "Why 'cause you care?" he suddenly got up, although stumbled so he fell back against the bar, Maddie reaching out and steadying him. "Your brother clearly doesn't. Just left me, no explanation-" Maddie waved off the landlord who nodded towards Eddie, silently asking if she needed help. She shot a grateful smile before linking her arm with Eddie's, using all of her strength to drag him out of the bar while he drunkly ranted under his breath._

_She was extremely thankful that they lived in a small town and Eddie and Buck's house wasn't far from the bar as she dragged the 6 foot man down the street, nodding her head to whatever Eddie was saying._

_Pulling off his boots, she watched as he stumbled through his house, knocking stuff over in his path. Maddie glanced around, realising this was the first time she had been in her brothers home since he left. The place was a mess, Maddie decided as she leaned down to pick up a photo frame that was cracked that Eddie must have thrown at the wall in anger. Maddie brushed her finger against the ruined photo of Buck and Eddie, gently placing it on the coffee table as she looked back to Eddie who had passed out on the couch, something he would regret the following morning._

_As quiet as she could, she placed the blanket over the mans sleeping body and went to make her exit when Eddie, clearly half asleep and confused, spoke up once more. "Buck? That you?" His voice was soft, almost hopeful and Maddie couldn't be the one to correct him, so instead she brushed his hair from his forehead, waiting by the door until his breathing evened before she closed the door behind her._

**Present**

"Hello stranger." Buck grinned as he walked into the kitchen of the house (their house, Eddie's house? It didn't matter anymore) spotting Eddie, leant against the counter on a phone call. When the brunette spotted Buck, instead of looking annoyed, he simply rolled his eyes. Finally, he had gotten used to Buck's constant unplanned arrivals. 

"Look, Jessica. I've gotta go someone just turned up announced." He said to whoever was on the other end of the call, while Buck shot him a sarcastic grin, patiently waiting for his full attention. A moment later Eddie was ending the call and turning to Buck, not waiting a second to ask, "Who let you in?" 

"Myself." Buck shrugged, before nodding towards Eddie's phone that was still in his hold. "Unless you want to call Athena again and have the same fight." 

"Funny, last time you were here you couldn't wait to get out." The brunette said, sarcasm all over his tone. "Now you can't stop letting yourself in." 

Buck glanced past Eddie, eyes landing on the fridge where there were a bunch of drawings that had clearly come from a child were stuck up there alongside some letter magnets that were placed along the fridge to spell out 'Christopher'. It was very clear that this house wasn't the house Buck left behind, it was obvious a child lived here now. By the artistic drawings and the empty bottle of juice that Buck knew for a fact Eddie didn't like. 

"-Earth to Buck-" He blinked, startled as Eddie was suddenly a lot closer than he had been a couple of seconds...or minutes ago. "What are you doing here? I have somewhere to be." 

The blonde quirked an eyebrow, looking at Eddie's appearance. He was wearing his usual jeans, boots, white t-shirt and shirt thrown over the top combo...although Buck wouldn't deny that he was for sure wearing new aftershave. Quickly glancing back up, not wanting to be known as the guy who checks out the guy he is supposed to be divorcing, he was met with Eddie's usual stubborn expression. 

"Well i'll just wait here for you, i guess." Buck hid his smirk as he pulled out a chair and took a seat around the kitchen table, reaching forward and picking up an apple. However, before he even had a chance to have a bite, Eddie was rushing towards him and snatching the apple back, looking very far from in the mood. 

"You are not waiting here." Eddie huffed, placing the apple back down, but this time, far away from Evan. "My son lives here, Abuela is going to bring him home after dinner and put him to bed until i get home." before he added, "So, no, you are not hanging around here." 

Well, using the safety of his kid against him wasn't fair was it. After all, Christopher didn't know Buck and Buck wasn't going to be the guy that hangs around in the house knowing that it wasn't just Eddie's house anymore, it was his eight year olds too. 

"Fine." His eyes lingered on the photo behind Eddie's head. Christopher was quite the creative artistic, Buck wouldn't deny that, behind the brunettes head was a drawing of Eddie and Christopher. He looked back towards Eddie as the brunette slipped his leather jacket on, grabbing his wallet in the process before he nodded towards the door, clearly telling Buck to leave. 

"So, where are we going?" Buck asked as he followed Eddie out of the house, careful not to drip over a pair of tiny converses that were lined up by the door and a kids backpack. Buck wouldn't deny he loved how domestic this house was looking. 

Eddie snickered beside him, "Me? I'm going to the bar...I've got a date with someone who isn't you." Clearly enjoying telling Buck that a little too much, as the blonde clenched his jaw "You... i don't know, Buck. Maybe you can go video call your fiancé, send them my love." 

Before Buck knew what he was doing he was stepping forward and reaching forward and grabbing Eddie's wrist, tight enough that the brunette was forced to stop and turn around. For a moment they both just starred down at Buck's hand holding onto Eddie's wrist, before Buck's eyes flickered up to meet Eddie's. 

Maybe it was Buck's head making it up, but he swore for a moment Eddie's eyes looked hopeful and for a moment as he starred back at Buck, his expression had softened. However, that moment was broken as Eddie almost got knocked back into reality suddenly, snatching his arm back and stepping backwards as if he had just been burnt. 

"Go talk to your fiancé, _Evan_." Eddie snapped, his voice cold and guarded.

And as Eddie turned to walk away, to walk towards _his date_ as he had put it, Buck should've let the man walk away. Should've took his advice and called Abby to calm down from their interaction, asked her how her day was and promised her he'd be home soon but the old Buck, the one that was popping up a lot lately was telling him to follow Eddie. 

So, of course, he _followed_ Eddie. 

**aged 18. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_There was only one bar in their small town in Texas. Correction, there was only one bar in their small town that was worth anyones time. And it was the bar where Eddie, Buck and their friends spent most of their time._

_In fact, it was the bar where Eddie and Buck had ended up with their friends and family after they had officially gotten married. Eddie, being Eddie, had demanded he carried Buck over the 'threshold' of the bar and of course, Buck had let him. Maddie, had been the one to take photographic evidence. Abuela had been the one to throw an excessive amount of confetti in their direction which had gotten stuck in their hair for the entire night._

_So, it was their bar._

_"I can't believe you actually married me." Eddie grinned as he had Buck pressed up against the counter of the bar. Thankfully, everybody was distracted doing their own thing to care about Buck and Eddie's public display of affection as the blonde reached forward and got a good grip on his husbands neck, dragging him into a deep kiss._

_"I've wanted to marry you since we were little kids, Eds." Evan said, honestly. "Before we even really knew what marriage was."_

_Eddie grinned, glancing over his shoulder to see if there was any other family member paying attention to them before he grabbed a hold of Buck's tie, dragging him close again. "Fuck, i love you cariño-" he didn't give Buck the chance to say it back before he was shoving his tongue in the other mans mouth, their smiles evident as they kissed. The wolf-whistle that came from behind them was definitely from Hen._

_The moment was broken by somebody grabbing a hold of Eddie and pulling him backwards, forcing the couple to separate. Buck really couldn't wait until it was a respectful time to leave his own wedding party so he could get his husband alone in the comfort of their bed. He watched as their friends dragged Eddie off onto the makeshift dance floor they had made in the bar, the last thing Buck saw was Hen attempting to twirl the groom around before Eddie's Abuela was grabbing his attention "Bailas?" She asked, and of course, Buck would never refuse a dance with Abuela._

_He laughed as Abuela pulled him onto the floor, his eyes catching with Eddie's who was now distracted by Sophia and Maddie._

_Eddie smiled, and Buck knew he would never be happier in his life than he was in that exact moment._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love Maddie !!! 
> 
> drunk, hot mess buck in the next chapter !! stay tuned! 
> 
> also i promise eddie and buck won't argue in every chapter, they'll get there in the end :)
> 
> peace!


	6. chapter 6: remind me to forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck, Eddie and alcohol do not mix. 
> 
> or, Buck should've known better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remind me to forget by Kygo and Miguel !

**aged 17. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_"Heya gorgeous" Eddie whispered as he wrapped his arms around Buck from behind, placing his chin on top of the blondes shoulder. Buck smiled, eyes still focused on the bride and groom across the room while he reached down and entwined his fingers with Eddie's that were wrapped around his middle._

_"Your sister looks beautiful." Buck said, watching as Sophia's new husband twirled her around the dance hall._

_"Like a proper Diaz." Eddie teased, before he titled his head in a way he would be able to see Buck's face from the side. "I love you, future Diaz."_

_Buck grinned, the smile reaching his eyes as he turned to meet Eddie in a kiss. "I love you too, Eds."_

_"It'll be you both next." Adriana knocked into Buck's shoulder gently, interrupting the kiss. "I hope you are ready for Abuela to make you dance with her, Buckley."_

_The blonde could already picture it, "Can't wait." He squeezed Eddie's hand, "I love Abuela."_

_Eddie smirked, pressing a kiss to the blondes cheek. "And she loves you, amor."_

_Adriana rolled her eyes, although the smile was evident as she walked away backwards, facing them. "You both are sickly cute."_

**present**

"Is that country music?" Abby asked on the other end of the phone, her voice humorous and Buck wanted to groan. Instead he sighed, realising she could hear the loud music that was going on behind him. It was Texas after all, and this was exactly why he didn't want her visiting. 

He was sat on one of the benches outside their bar, the phone pressed to his ear as he had talked to Abby. He had followed Eddie to the bar, of course he had, and was currently waiting outside out of fear that if he went inside he would bump into a bunch of people he used to know. However, Eddie had gone inside at least ten minutes ago and the noisy part of Buck's brain was itching for him to follow him inside. 

"Yep." Buck laughed, "Otherwise known as the sound of my teenage years. Awful, right?" 

Abby thankfully found humour in the situation as she replied, "I grew up with classical music. I was in piano lessons from the age of four." She pointed out, "You should count yourself lucky you had something a little upbeat to listen to. Am i keeping you from something?" 

He was about to say no but one glance over his shoulder had him frowning, Eddie was walking out of the entrance to the bar and wavering over a women that had just gotten out of her car. When she spotted him she grinned, rushing over towards him and exchanging a few words before she followed Eddie back inside of the bar. Buck had never seen that women in his life but by the look of the strangers face she was happy to see his husband, huh, maybe that's his _date_ after all. 

"Actually..." Buck started, realising he had just let Abby hanging. "Maddie needs me for something. Call you later?" 

After saying a quick goodbye to his fiancé, he gave himself a mental pep talk before heading towards the bar preparing himself for what and who would be inside. The first thing he realised as he walked into his old bar was...absolutely nothing had changed. 

The wallpaper was the same stained artwork, the same band posters were scattered around the room, the pool table was still occupied by familiar faces. Hell, even Joe the same bartender was stood behind the counter with his same plaid button up. Buck hoped that it wasn't the exact same plaid button up, but with this town, it was very likely. He glanced around the room, eyes stopping over by the fireplace where there was a gap for a makeshift dance floor. Otherwise known as the place he and Eddie had their first dance. 

Quickly looking away before he thought about that any more, he looked around in an attempt to locate Eddie. 

"As i live and breathe...God damn Buck!" The blonde span around and was met with the familiar face of Henrietta Wilson starring back at him with wide eyes, her arm linked with another woman who he was unfamiliar with. She looked him up and down before shaking her head with a smile, "Eddie wasn't kidding, you are here." 

Buck suddenly felt awful for not reaching out sooner, he hadn't seen one of his best friends in nine years and she had to find out through Eddie, who was also angry at him, that he had returned. The coward in him would have most likely left Texas straight away if Eddie had agreed to sign the papers the first time he asked. Evan was thankful that Hen had bumped into him first. He didn't want to be a coward. 

"What is this? Designer?" Hen laughed as she touched his shirt, by the way Hen was looking at him he knew that she was unsure how to talk to him. As if she was suddenly seeing him as a different person. 

"Ah, it's nothing." He brushed it off, before holding a hand out towards the woman who was holding her arm. "I'm Evan. Hen's friend from school." 

"Eddie's husband, right?" Buck watched as Hen shot her a look, before she quickly added. "I'm Karen. Hen's wife, it's great to meet you. I've seen so many pictures of Hen with you when you were teens... Oh and welcome home!" 

She walked off so it was just Hen and him, "Just a flying visit, huh?" she asked, looking somewhat sad. "You didn't call?" 

He moved his eyes so he was starring down at his shoes, after all it wasn't just Eddie he left behind. "I'm sorry, Hen. Really, i am." he looked back up, in a desperate attempt to change the subject for his own selfish reasons he added, "I hear you have kids?" 

She smiled, "Two." she chuckled, "Who would've thought?" 

Who would have thought we would end up like this? The voice that loved to torture him spoke up inside his head. 

She nodded over Buck's shoulder to where Karen was by the bar, talking to a couple of other familiar faces. Still, Buck felt like a stranger suddenly. "I'll see you around Buck." before she was patting his shoulder and smiling as she walked over to her wife. 

Buck downed his first drink a little too quickly before he was asking for a refill, his mind still focused on finding Eddie in the somewhat crowded bar. That's the problem with only having one bar, the entire town was here and Buck was pretty sure he had just seen his old math teacher walk by. 

For a moment, Buck just dwelled on the fact that he was alone in a crowded bar, starring down at his beer and deciding which alcohol would get him drunk the quickest. His plans ruined when he felt a knock to his shoulder. He looked over at Hen and Karen who were in the middle of a game of darts with Jackson Woods, the guy who used to live near Buck's mother. One thing he remembered about this town is that everyone knew everyone. 

"There he is, my favourite brother-in-law!" Buck's eyes widened as he felt a smile tugging at his mouth as he looked up and was met with Sophia Diaz, the oldest of the three Diaz siblings. He allowed himself to be pulled into a tight hug, because Sophia had always been the type of person that needed to hug you as a form of greeting. "I did not believe my brother when he said you had turned back up in Texas, but here you are! Did you get taller?" 

He laughed as she continued to look at him, "It's good to see you, Sophia." He smiled, relieved that she wasn't trying to attack him on behalf of her brother. Although, deep down, Buck knew she would be mad at him, both Adriana and Sophia were protective over their younger brother. After all, Eddie had always been closer to his sisters and Abuela than he had his parents, similarly to Buck being closer to Maddie than their mom. 

"Just promise me something?" Sophia said, "You'll see Adriana before you disappear again? You know she loved you too." 

He nodded in a silent promise, before quickly speaking up before she could leave. "Eddie...you are one of the people who know him well." he paused, unsure if he wanted to ask this but by the way Sophia was looking at him he knew there was no backing out now. "He's doing okay?" 

Sophia titled her head, a smile itching at the corner of her mouth. "Buck...you know there's literally nothing i could do to get my brother to talk if he didn't want too." seeing the hurt expression on Buck's face, she added. "He's okay Buck." She went to walk away but stopped herself, looking at him as if she was trying to work something out. "I heard you are getting married?" 

He bit the inside of his lip, nodding. 

She smiled, although this time it did not reach his eyes. "It was good to see you, Evan." And this time he let her go. 

"Thought you might need this." Joe laughed as he placed a shot of vodka in front of him. And damn did he need that. 

He was unsure how long he sat at the bar, letting Joe provide him with drinks that in the right mind he would be avoiding before he heard that ever so familiar laugh. Eddie's laugh. Plastering a grin on his face, he reached over the bar and grabbed one of the beers before waving towards Joe, hoping he got Buck's silent form of communication which meant _leave it on my tab_. Before he was following the sound of laughter. 

On their usual table, beside the dart board, Eddie sat. In typical Eddie style his legs were kicked up over one of the chairs and his work boots were on show, the bottle of beer in his hand being waved about as he chatted with Hen and the same women Buck had seen enter with him.

Straightening his shirt, he forced his best fake smile and headed towards their table until Eddie glanced up. The second Eddie saw him, his laughter stopped and the whole table fell silent. _What a warm welcome._

"Hen...Karen...Eddie." The blonde smiled, before his eyes fell on the woman on the other side of Eddie. She was looking up at him, looking a little startled at the passive aggressive smile that Buck was currently supporting.

"Jessica." She smiled, holding her hand out. 

"Ah you must be my husbands date." Buck shot Eddie a look as he reached forward and shook Jessica's hand, maintaining eye contact until Eddie broke it. "He takes you to the most romantic places, huh?" 

Eddie's jaw clenched at the dig, almost managed to bite his tongue. 

"Alright, c'mon hotshot" Hen sighed as she got up from her seat and placed an arm around Buck's shoulder, he saw the glare Eddie was shooting in his direction, making it clear he wasn't welcome there. Hen steered him towards the pool table, he waved towards Robbie and Alex, two brothers that used to hang around with their group. "You really shouldn't wind Eddie up like that." 

He rolled his eyes as Robbie passed him a shot, despite the alcohol already circulating his body he wasn't done. "Of course you would take his side." he stole a glance towards the brunette in question, rolling his eyes as he saw the man distracted by Jessica. "Could he be more obvious?" 

Hen quirked an eyebrow as he grabbed another shot, grimacing at the taste. "It's obvious, he found the first girl that walked past him in the store and asked her out on a date." He shrugged, lining up his shot on the pool table while Robbie just smirked beside Hen, clearly enjoying this version of Buck. "All because he found out i was engaged. It's not my fault he found out about Abby, at least i didn't shove it in his face!" 

"Ah, Abby. So that's her name." Hen grinned as she snatched the third shot from Buck's grip and drank it herself, resting against the table as she eyed the blonde man who looked like a deer caught in headlights. "You don't talk about her a lot do you?" 

"Who said that?" Maybe he sounded a little too defensive, "It was Eddie wasn't it?" Answering his own question. 

The women held her arms up in a sign of defence before she was passing him another drink as a distraction. 

Buck was unsure how many drinks he had gone through by the time it was just him and Alex left in the game. Now, Buck was no lightweight, but he wasn't a heavy drinker either so with all the alcohol that he had consumed in the past hour, it was only expected that his words started to slur as Hen continued to speak to him. 

Every couple of minutes he found himself looking over towards Eddie, surprised to find him looking back. Eddie had a look of amusement plastered across his face as he watched the blonde stumble around the pool table, attempting to trash talk Alex in the process. 

Buck cheered as he potted his final ball, Hen spinning him around in congratulations. "You can take the guy outta' Texas but you can't take Texas outta' the man!" Jackson cheered behind him, the southern drawl evident in his speech as he downed his final beer. "C'mon, Eddie. Show him how it's done." 

Buck smirked, spinning around and stumbling in the process. "Oh, please, Eddie show me how it's done." he whined in an exaggerated tone, pushing the cue stick into the the other mans chest until Eddie took it off him. 

"How much did you give him to drink, Joe?" Eddie shouted over to the bartender in an accusatory tone. Joe just backed away in response, clearly not wanting to get on the bad side of Eddie when Buck was involved. Eddie's eyes returned to look at Buck, the blonde's face was flushed highlighting his alcohol intake and he was swaying side to side. 

"Don't be boring, Eddie." Buck groaned, shoving past him. Thankfully, Eddie didn't budge but did step aside to let the blonde walk off in the direction of the table. Jessica looked back at him in a way that drunken Buck decided was a look of judgement as he asked, "Eddie is pretty overprotective, isn't he? Maybe you want to continue to distract him for me?" 

Jessica looked relieved as Eddie grabbed Buck's arm, tugging him backwards and it benefitted that Buck was drunk as he went without much struggle. "So are you going to divorce this boy or not, Diaz?" Robbie asked as he sat on the edge of the pool table, drinking Buck's leftover beer. 

Buck laughed out loud, "Apparently he wants to stay married to me..." before he looked over Eddie's shoulder, "Does your date know, legally, you're off limits?" 

It was Eddie's turn to be amused, leaning against the pool table beside Hen, he pointed out, "Does your fiancé know?" 

Buck huffed, stepping back and starring at the bar around him. Most people were starring at him, most of their expressions read judgement. His eyes softened as he spotted Sophia in the corner of the room, clearly pissed at his behaviour. Before he remembered that he wasn't back here to make friends, he was here to annoy Eddie so much he would give him his divorce. 

"It's funny...you all stood here judging me." He started, unsure if he was talking to everyone or not. But by the way everyone was looking at him, they clearly thought he was. "As if you all are fucking perfect, judging my marriage as if your marriages are perfect." Eddie shifted, as if he was about to reach for Buck but stopped himself. "Let's be honest, non of you are saints. Alex cheats on his wife about nine times a year." 

He laughed loudly as he watched Alex shoot forward in Buck's direction but was prevented from going any further by Eddie grabbing Alex's arm and shaking his head. 

"What it's true isn't it?" When Alex didn't reply, simply rolled his tongue in annoyance Buck continued. "And i don't know what you two are looking at-" He smirked looking between Cassie and Jackson, "In fact, i'm amazed you both are still married. Jackson used to sleep at this bar so he wouldn't have to go home to you." 

Hen went to push him towards the door, but the size difference between them was used to his advantage as he stopped any further movement. "Hen, let's not pretend you are doing this for my sake." He argued, "It's nice to know whose side you are on. Just another person who thinks they have the right to judge me" 

She pulled back, clearly not expecting his harsh tongue. "Go home, Buck." before she added, "Even better, go back to New York." 

He scoffed, however his smile dropped as he watched her walk away and towards the comfort of her wife, leaving Buck stood alone again. 

"Could you handle your boy, Diaz?" Joe shouted over, causing Buck's jaw to clench. 

"He's not my problem." Eddie grumbled, his eyes finding Buck's, both of them refusing to look away. 

"Nope." Buck laughed, popping the 'p' as he nodded towards the brunette in the corner. "Jessica is his problem now, apparently. So you give me my divorce and i won't have to see this god-awful town ever again." 

"Eddie, maybe we should-" And that was Sophia, motioning for her brother to do something. 

But Buck held his hand up instead, picking up a half drunk beer and drinking the rest. "Don't you think you've had enough, son?" Bobby, who Buck recognized from the firehouse spoke up as everybody starred back at him. 

He laughed, before nodding. "You're probably right." he placed his beer back down, "I have had enough. In fact, how have you lot not had enough too?" he stumbled forward and tried to locate his coat, "Like how do you guys live like this? There's a big world out there you know." 

"Right, that's it." Eddie sighed, silently thanking Karen as she passed the brunette Buck's jacket before Eddie started making his exit from the bar, but making sure to grab Buck's arm in the process and drag him out with him. 

"Hey! Hands to yourself!" Buck shouted once they were outside. 

Eddie let go of his arm only to catch him again as the blonde lost his footing and stumbled backwards. "Listen, i don't care who the fuck your fiancé is or who the hell you think you are now. But you don't speak to my friends like that, got it?" 

Buck rolled his eyes, tugging his arm free once more. "Not just your friends." 

"Oh?" Eddie laughed, "The friends you just insulted since you are so much better than us?" 

"Fuck you, Eddie." Buck groaned, stumbling away from him with a hand against his forehead. He was going to regret this in the morning. Looking over his shoulder to check if Eddie was following, he stopped his movements when he saw that Jessica was stood at the entrance of the bar. 

"I guess this date is over?" She asked, although didn't look pissed which surprised Buck, almost as if she had expected this. 

"I'm sorry..." Buck heard Eddie say, "I just-" he motioned towards Buck who was stood a few steps away, watching them. 

"No, i get it." and then she was gone and Eddie was storming back over to him and pushing him towards his car. 

"Since when were brunettes your type?" Buck slurred, trying to catch Eddie's eyes. Eddie successfully ignored Buck's question. 

"If you throw up in my car, i will drag you back in the bar and let Alex punch you this time." Eddie warned as he pulled the seatbelt over Buck's body, the blonde already closing his eyes as he rested his head against the seat of Eddie's car. His eyes drifted towards the back seat, spotting Christopher's school bag on one of the seats. Pushing the car door open that Eddie had just closed, he stuck his head out and threw up, just missing the car in the process.

Eddie who was still stood outside sighed, "You got lucky, Buck." the brunette's voice no longer sounded mad, instead he sat Buck up straight in the car again and shut the door. 

The next time Buck opened his eyes he could smell aftershave. 

Not just any aftershave, but Eddie's aftershave. 

Opening his eyes slightly, he realised that Eddie was carrying him, bridal style into his mother's house. Buck's head resting on his shoulder, he closed his eyes again. 

"Oh...um, evening Eddie." Alice said as Eddie walked into the Buckley household, Evan asleep in his arms. She looked shocked as she took in the sight of her son-in-law holding her son in his arms, Buck passed out.

"Alice...Maddie." Eddie replied with a dignified nod, "Oh hey Chim, didn't see you there." His voice almost sounded humorous as he started walking up the stairs, Buck slightly stirring in his arms. Evan heard Chim's quick reply, _look like you've got your hands full there, Diaz._

Buck realised they had entered his childhood bedroom when he heard the deep sigh that came from Eddie and he opened his eyes to see the familiar bedding. Suddenly he reached forward and grabbed ahold of Eddie's brown plaid shirt, clinging onto it as the brunette leant down and placed him on the bed. When Eddie went to step backwards, Buck's hand on his shirt tightened so Eddie's movement was restricted. 

"Buck..." Eddie whispered, voice soft. In his drunken state, he would admit he missed the sound of that tone. "You know this is Eddie...not somebody else?" _and why did that hurt him so much to hear?_

Despite the fact he was half asleep and drunk, he knew exactly where he was. "I know it's you, Eddie." Buck whispered back, their eyes meeting in the darkness of the room. The moonlight seeping through the gap in his curtain, allowing the blonde to see the colour of Eddie's eyes. 

Eddie nodded slowly, before he reached a hand out to touch Buck's hair. "Get some sleep, Buck." he paused, "Uh, you've got to let me go..." _He really did._

Buck released his grip on Eddie's shirt and felt the man move backwards, his eyes shutting almost instantly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn buck is trying to fight everyone 
> 
> <3
> 
> hope you all are good!


	7. chapter 7: someone to stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck expected his progress to feel better than it did. 
> 
> or, Buck regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone to stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic !!

Buck's first feeling when he woke was regret. Which was quickly replaced with pain when he opened his eyes and the sun peaking through the window made him cringe, emphasising his headache. 

He whined, shoving his head further into the pillow he had under his head, the other tucked under his arm as a form of comfort. He didn't remember everything but he remembered enough, he had essentially offended the whole town and come across as a real snob. Fuck, he had even gotten mad at Hen, one of his most loyal friends and accused her of picking sides between her and Eddie. 

He rolled over onto his side, instantly stopping any further movement as a rush of nausea passed. Eddie had carried him home and put him to bed, although if Buck could remember correctly he definitely didn't deserve that kind of fair treatment. Reaching behind him, he blindly tried to find his phone, however he was met with a piece of paper instead. 

Groaning, he used all of the strength left in his body to turn back around, frowning when he reached forward and picked up the paper. 

He suddenly felt the need to throw up. 

In his hand was a copy of a divorce papers, only this time under _husbands_ name was Eddie's signature. Eddie had actually signed the divorce papers last night and left them beside Buck's head. 

He jumped as the door was pushed open, quickly shoving the papers under his pillow, he shot up, despite the ache in his neck protesting. Maddie stood on the other end of the room, an eyebrow quirked as she held a cup of coffee in her hold. He really hoped that was for him. 

He smiled softly as she walked forward and passed the mug to her brother, he nodded in thanks. "So...you were pretty wasted last night." She started, Buck instantly cringed, avoiding all possible eye contact. "And with Eddie?" 

He rubbed at his eyes, finally deciding to look up at her. "I wasn't with Eddie. It just so happened we were in the same place." _After i followed him there,_ was left unsaid. "Why are you looking at me like that? Nothing happened." 

She looked a little uncertain as she starred back at him, the silence between them a little unnerving. "You would tell me if something was wrong, right?" 

_Right._

**aged 21. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_With his head shoved into his hands, Buck breathed out, "I can't do this anymore." Only glancing up when he heard the shuffling stop which indicated Eddie's movement halting._

_Eddie was across from him, hands pressed against the wall as he faced away from the blonde._

_The tear that rolled down Buck's cheek landed on his shirt, darkening the white. He starred at the back of Eddie's head for what felt like hours, his mothers voice ringing in his head as he thought maybe she was right. Maybe he and Eddie married too young, maybe they were out of their depth and their arguments only highlighted their immaturity._

_But, Buck loved Eddie. He ignored his overbearing mother who decided that Buck could do better, encouraged him there's better things out there in the world that didn't involve Eddie._

_"Maybe if you stopped listening to your mother, we'd have less of a problem." Eddie spoke up, turning around and sliding down the wall so he and Buck were sat in the same position. However, they felt like miles apart. "Your mother is trying to live vicariously through you, why can't you see that?"_

_"My mom has only ever wanted what's best for me and Maddie." Buck whispered, using his sleeve- or Eddie's sleeve, since he was wearing his husbands over-worn high school sweatshirt, to wipe his eyes._

_Eddie nodded slowly, he never doubted that. "Well, what do you want Buck?"_

_"You."_

_So why was it so god damn hard?_

**present**

Buck yanked at his earphones as he stopped mid-run, eyes narrowing with focus as he spotted a somewhat familiar head of blonde curls sat on a nearby bench. For a moment he just stood there, trying to decide if it were inappropriate to make his presence known. 

He walked forward, awkwardly shoving his hands into his pockets as he took a seat beside Christopher on the bench. The eight year old glanced up from the game he was playing on, looking at Buck with a sense of curiosity. He was one cute kid that's for sure. 

"Hey, Christopher. I'm Buck." The blonde smiled. 

"I remember, you were at my dads work." Christopher grinned, and damn did he have a cute smile. "You are also the picture in my dad's wallet." 

_Wait,_ "What?" 

Christopher continued to play on his game, before adding. "I see your face all the time!" he giggled, "Abuela always gets me to steal dad's wallet when he's at work for sweets at the store." before he quickly added, "But don't tell daddy that!" 

Buck was still trying to get past the fact that Eddie carried a picture of Buck in his wallet, when he realised Christopher was still talking to him. He managed a smile, before holding a hand to his heart. "I promise." Buck chuckled, "The secret will remain between you, me and Abuela." 

Christopher giggled at that, before Buck was speaking up again, "Are you here by yourself?" Because surely he hadn't come to the lake by himself. 

Christopher shook his head, "Daddy is on the phone to aunt Sophia." Christopher pointed towards Eddie, who was stood pretty close by, his back to both of them as he starred ahead at the lake. Buck quirked an eyebrow, surprised he hadn't noticed Eddie stood there. "Why do they call you Buck?" 

"My last name." _before i was married,_ "Was Buckley. So all my friends called me Buck." 

Christopher smiled and giggled slightly, possibly the cutest sound Buck had ever heard. "My last name is Diaz, like my dad." 

This kid was really pulling at his heartstrings, he glanced towards Eddie to check he was still distracted before he knocked their shoulders together gently. "I know, buddy." before adding, "Great name, right?" 

When Eddie turned around to face his son, his smile faltered as he took in the sight of Buck sitting so close to the boy. Buck almost felt like he should get up and leave, after all, there was a good chance that Eddie was pissed at him for last night and sitting by his son probably wasn't helping. However, Eddie didn't look mad. Instead, he was smiling at his son as he stood in front of the pair. 

"Do you have to go to work, dad?" Christopher asked, looking up at his father with wide eyes. 

"No, Mijo." He reached forward and grabbed a hold of Christopher's crutches, eyeing Buck quickly before returning his attention to his son. "It's just me and you today." 

Christopher looked between his father and Buck, frowning slightly. Smart kid, Buck thought. "And Buck?" He asked, with a hopeful tone that Buck thought Eddie must have a hard time saying no too. "He was running by himself... that's boring!" 

Buck went to protest, not wanting to put Eddie in the awkward position of having to talk his son out of the idea of hanging out with Buck. Eddie got there first, helping Christopher into his crutches before he turned to Buck, "You wanna come?" His voice wasn't giving much away, not giving Buck any hint of whether he wanted him to come or make an excuse. "Christopher likes walking to the bridge to see the fish below in the pond." 

And Buck probably would have made an excuse, come up with a lie that Maddie needed him, but one look at Christophers face and he was following the pair down the path. 

"I have an art project due in next week, dad." Christopher spoke up after a few minutes of silence between the three, Buck and Eddie choosing to stand on either side of Christopher to avoid getting too close. 

Eddie and Christopher fell into a pretty typical conversation, discussing school work and what Abuela was going to make for Sunday dinner this week. Buck just listened fondly, enjoying the moment of domestic bliss and the happiness on Eddie's face whenever he interacted with his son. 

Once they reached the bridge, Eddie picked Christopher up and held him high enough that Christopher could peer over the edge of the bridge and spot the fish. Buck stood to the left of Eddie, smiling over at Christopher as he listed all of the fish's he knew the names of. He turned his head, his smile still evident as he locked eyes with Eddie, the man sharing the same expression. 

"Dad! Look that one is orange!" Eddie broke the contact, making a show of seeming really impressed for the sake of his son. 

Eddie bought Christopher an ice cream as they sat around the cafe table in the park, Christopher distracted with eating to notice the longing looks between Eddie and Buck. The silence between them ended when Eddie spoke up, Christopher too busy people watching to pick up on the conversation. 

"So i signed your papers." Eddie said, although his eyes trained focused on the back of Christopher's head. 

"Uh, yeah." Buck mumbled, looking down at his hands. His thumb was bleeding due to anxiously picking at the skin around it. "Thank you?" He wasn't about to start an argument with Eddie's eight year old nearby. 

Eddie nodded, mouth twitching slightly. "You hungover?" 

Buck laughed, picking up on Eddie's humour at the situation. At least he wasn't mad. "The fresh air has made me feel a lot better." he paused, "Thanks for this. Christopher is a cool kid." 

Eddie hummed, of course he already knew that. 

"Have you heard from Hen? Or anyone i insulted last night?" Buck asked, finally looking up at Eddie. He was nervous of his reply. 

Eddie was starring back, "Hen isn't mad, but you should probably apologise to her and Karen the next time you see them." before he chuckled slightly, "The rest of them were way too drunk to remember, i wouldn't worry." 

Eddie didn't need to reassure Buck, but he did anyway. 

Buck bit his lip, finally deciding to talk about it. "And Jessica-" 

Eddie laughed, waving him off. "You were right. She's not really my type." 

Buck looked up at Eddie under his eyelashes, trying to contain the smile that he was fighting off. 

"Anyway." Eddie smirked, noticing the change in Buck's mood. "I'm used to dragging you home from that bar. I've done it enough in the past." 

Buck grinned, he wasn't going to deny that. "My hero, huh?" 

He laughed when Eddie knocked their feet together under the table, his hand pressed against the surface of the table beside Eddie's. Buck's face heated up as he felt Eddie shift his hand further across the surface until their hands were touching,

Buck nervously glanced back up at Eddie, almost as if he was silently asking for something. Eddie just starred back, their pinky fingers linked as their hands rested together on the table. 

"Heya, Buddy." Eddie smiled as he pulled his hand back, looking away from Buck as Christopher walked over, holding his arms out for Eddie.

Eddie lifted him up, putting him on his lap before pressing his chin to the top of his sons curls. 

Christopher smiled at Buck from across the table and his heart melted in the process. Christopher was definitely his fathers son, alright, the kid had the same Diaz smile that was infectious.

The moment was ruined as Buck's phone lit up on the table, Abby's name highlighting the screen. Buck's eyes caught Eddie's one final time, the brunette must have seen the name on the caller ID as he glanced away from Buck almost instantly, his smile no longer there. 

"I should, call them back." Buck spoke as he pocketed his phone, sitting up from the table. Christopher looked like he was almost about to protest but Eddie shook his head, and the child sat back. He looked in between the father and son almost regretfully, trying one last time to catch Eddie's eyes again. However, this time Eddie made sure to avoid him, his gaze completely focused on Christopher. 

"It was good to see you, Christopher" He went to put his hand out for a handshake, or something along those lines. However, as lovable as this kid was, Christopher thew his arms out, indicating he wanted a hug. 

Buck looked at Eddie almost nervously, but when Eddie showed no signs of resentment, Buck reached forward and lifted Christopher from his fathers knee, the kid wrapping his arms around Buck's neck. 

"Bye Bucky." Christopher whispered as the blonde hugged him tightly, almost not wanting to put him down. "Dad say goodbye!" Christopher urged, tugging on Eddie's arm with all the strength he could muster. 

Buck hadn't expected to be pulled into a hug, in fact, for a few seconds he was tense as Eddie wrapped his arms around him. Suddenly, he hugged back, maybe a little tighter than he had planned as Eddie was barley able to move under his hold. However, Eddie didn't resit, just let Buck cling onto him. 

It was his phone ringing for the second time that had him letting go of Eddie, the brunette shooting him an awkward glance before he turned around and picked Christopher up. 

"Bye Buck." Eddie muttered, before he turned around and they were gone. 

He watched as the two of them disappeared, his hand reaching into his pocket and pressing accept on the call, 

"Abby, hi..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christopher is on a mission to pull off the greatest parent trap mission you've ever seen 
> 
> next chapter - be prepared for what you've been waiting for :P


	8. chapter 8: in case you don't live forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck wasn't a faultless guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you don't live forever - Ben Platt 
> 
> \- i <3 this song just like i <3 Eddie and Buck.

**aged 21. Buck and Eddie. Texas**

_Buck sighed into his pillow as he heard the front door slam from downstairs, feeling somewhat relieved that Eddie had came home and hadn't crashed at his sisters again. For a moment he assumed that Eddie had taken camp on the couch in the lounge, wanting to be away from Evan, after all, they had an argument only a couple hours prior._

_However, the sound of Eddie falling into the wall as he made his way up the stairs had Buck opening his eyes once more, only remaining in a position that looked like he were asleep. Eddie pulled his belt off and kicked his combat boots off the second he walked through the bedroom door, evidently struggling with his movements as he sat down on the edge of the bed._

_When Eddie finally was left only in his shorts, Buck felt the bed dip beside him and he expected Eddie to just fall asleep. Instead, an arm reached out and looped around his waist, tugging the blonde backwards into his back was pressed firmly to Eddie's chest, no space left between them._

_"I'm sorry, baby." Eddie whispered, pressing a kiss to his neck. "I'm sorry for shouting."_

_Buck knew why Eddie had shouted, after all he had shouted right back. For weeks all they had argued about was their future, which was ironic since from the age of ten all Buck had been sure of was his future with Eddie. However, evidently those kids back then didn't realise how hard it would be, because even if Buck loved Eddie more than anything else on this planet, here they were still arguing._

_They would argue about the stupidest of things, and maybe Eddie was right when he said that Buck listened to his mother more than him and she clouded his judgement._

_Still, he turned around so he was facing Eddie, their faces inches apart. Eddie lifted his hand his hand, despite being drunk he was still pretty coordinated as he pressed his hand gently against his husbands father. Whispered apologises were shared between them them as Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie's neck, remembering exactly why he would always love Eddie._

**present**

Buck was unsure why he had allowed Maddie and Chim to drag him along to this thing. He was about to decline but Maddie had pulled out the big guns and emotionally blackmailed him, reminding him that _you'll be going back to New York soon and i'll hardly see you._ So, yes, he was convinced to go to their local outdoor festival, because it really couldn't get more Texas than that. 

"C'mon, don't look like that! It'll be fun." Maddie grinned as she tugged on her brothers arm, pulling him towards the bar. Chimney followed behind, clearly enjoying Buck's annoyance over the situation. But, Buck loved his sister and therefore would end up doing anything for her. 

The first person he spotted was Hen, and his heart dropped almost instantly. Thankfully, she was distracted by her wife, too busy in the middle of a conversation to notice the blonde starring back at her like a lost puppy. It was Maddie that shoved him in her general direction, the blonde having no choice but to face her when Hen looked up in surprise. 

"Um, hey Hen." he mumbled, biting at the corner of the lip as he attempted to avoid eye contact. However, when he saw that she was smiling back at him, he finally let himself look back. "I wanted to apologise, i was drunk and terrible-" 

"Oh stop it." She chuckled, reaching forward and dragging him into a hug. He was so relieved he let out a laugh, squeezing back. "I've known you since we were kids, Buck. You've always had a mouth on you when you were drunk." 

Now that one was true. He let her go, stepping back until he turned to face Karen. "It's great to meet you...for the second time." Buck smiled, "I promise i won't insult anybody this time." Their conversation went from there. Buck learnt that Karen and Hen had two children called Denny and Nia, they didn't live far from Buck's mothers house and it was all just a reminder of what Buck had missed out on. While he moved to New York, he forgot that he was the only one who had moved on with their lives. 

Buck missed this. He missed open festivals with his friends in Texas, he missed being a stupid kid that didn't feel like he left everyone he loved behind. 

His eyes drifted around the surrounding area, finding Eddie in the crowds. Christopher was beside him, chatting away to Sophia and Eddie. Buck was unsure how long he starred for before he felt the presence of his mother beside him, Alice caught his eye line and noticed him starring at Eddie and Christopher. He looked away, attempting to focus on his mother instead. 

"Evan..." she started, a little unsure. "Is something going on with you two?" 

He saw how her eyes flickered between him and Eddie, almost as if she was accusing him of something, a look that made his jaw clench. "God forbidden i look at my husband." he snapped, feeling a little too defensive for his own liking. After all, it was his mom that had encouraged him to leave Texas, while it was him who walked out on Eddie, it was her that was constantly in his ear for the weeks before he left, reminding him _you could do better_ and _do you really want to stay with the guy who doesn't want to have the kids you want?_ But here he was, Eddie only across the street, Eddie who was a father. 

"Ex husband." She reminded, _not yet_ was left unsaid. It's not like he's legally filled for divorce yet. 

"Did you just come to make sure i stay away from Eddie? I'm engaged to Abby, mom." He reminded her, somehow feeling like he had been sent back into the past with the way his mother was preventing him from interacting with Eddie. 

"I want what's best for you, Evan." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Maddie called her over, which Buck was thankful for, his sister always somehow knowing what he needed right now. 

He knew his mother had good intentions, she just didn't want Buck and Maddie to end up in a marriage like her and their fathers. But, how could she ever compare his marriage to Eddie to what she and dad had, after all, dad didn't love her anymore. It had never been the case for him and Eddie. 

He forced himself to get involved in more conversations despite the sinking feeling in his stomach. As he reconnected with all these people, he was reminded that he wouldn't be spending the rest of his life here. No, instead he was going to return to New York and marry Abby. 

He sat on the curb, a beer in his hand as he watched the couples dance around each other. He smirked when he watched Chimney twirl Maddie around helplessly while Athena and Bobby stuck to a more respectable dance, highlighting their personalities. 

His eyes shifted towards Eddie, the man was holding a laughing Christopher in his arms while he danced with his grandmother. Christopher caught sight of Buck, grinning in his direction before he waved him over. Buck tried to think of a way to let an eight year old down gently, however when he saw Eddie put Christopher back on the ground and give him his crutches, the boy heading in Buck's direction, he knew he was done for. 

"You should come dance." Christopher urged, tugging at the blondes arm. 

"Uh... i don't know, buddy..." Buck started, knowing he couldn't say no to this kid. Eddie's kid. 

"Please?" Christopher looked sad for a moment, "Just with me?" 

Just Christopher, he could handle that. "Okay...let's go." And that's how he ended up surrounded by everyone else, Christopher attempting to spin him around despite their height difference.

It was when Christopher grabbed Abuela's hand that things got awkward, as Christopher demanded Abuela dance with him he turned towards Buck with a grin, before deciding, "Buck you can dance with dad." It wasn't really a suggestion but an order as Buck was pushed in Eddie's general direction, only stopping when he was stood directly in front of the other man. 

Eddie starred back at him, lips parted and looking a little out of his depth as everyone continued to dance around them, leaving them in their own little bubble. He looked down towards Eddie's hands, contemplating whether to take it or not. Forcing his eyes back up to Eddie's, the brunette was clearly waiting for him to make the next move. 

Just as Eddie was about to open his mouth and speak, Buck rushed past him, barley hearing Maddie call out his name as he passed her and didn't look back. 

He ended up by the lake. Thankfully nobody else was around and he could only hear the faint sound of music from the festival in the background. His eyes remained focused on the lake in front of him, biting at the corner of his lip as a result of anxiety in the process. 

It was so quiet he could hear the footsteps approaching from behind him and then Eddie was there, taking a seat on the floor beside him. 

They didn't talk for a while, hell, they hadn't even looked at each other instead just choosing to stare ahead. It was Buck that finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry." Buck whispered, still avoiding looking at the brunette. However, in the corner of his eye he could see Eddie turn to look at him. "I never really gave you an explanation did i? I just shouted at you and left." 

Eddie's deep sigh from beside him was evident, the brunette realising their conversation was going down that route. 

"I left because i was scared. I was a coward and i ran away from our relationship." Buck continued, finally turning his head when Eddie placed his head in his hands. "You had just told me you didn't see kids in our future and didn't even give us the opportunity to discuss it...and no, i'm not putting the whole blame on you Eddie." he paused, "And then all my mom would do is pull me one way while you were pulling me the other." 

When Eddie made no attempt to respond, Buck continued. "I guess i panicked, you were all i had ever known but we were still only twenty one and i freaked. Fuck, mom would always tell me that we were too young and i needed to get out of this god-for-saking town..." he chuckled harshly, "I guess she got her wish." 

He rubbed at his face, knowing this was something they needed to talk about but it didn't stop it hurting. "I left because i thought my mom was right, when she said we were too young." he sighed, "I was wrong, i know that now." After all, he always knew he would never love anybody like he loved Eddie. He was a fool to think that he couldn't trust his own mind at the age of twenty one and instead let the insecurities win. "I overheard you talking to Hen, i could see the strain i was putting on you." He chuckled, how ironic, as if abandoning him didn't put a strain on him. "So i left." 

They were quiet for a while, just sat beside one another. 

"Christopher...He, uh...wasn't planned." Eddie suddenly spoke up, eyes focused elsewhere. "I know i look like a hypocrite because we spent so long fighting about not having a child and you return and i have a son." he bit at the edge of his nail, a classic nervous Eddie move. "Shannon was a one night stand...i was drunk and angry and i just wanted to forget you for one fucking night." 

"I was stupid before Christopher...After you left, i was so angry." He added, "I would street fight, drink and not turn up to work. That's when i lost my old job." A small smile was evident on his face as he said, "Thankfully i met Bobby, decided to be a firefighter. A small part of me hoped i could improve myself and you would come back to me."

Buck flinched, eyes watering at Eddie's words. "It didn't work, of course it didn't." but he quickly added, "I don't regret my son, he is my world. And yes, i definitely didn't sign up to be a single father but without him... i don't know how i would have coped." 

Buck suddenly laid back so his back was against the grass, his eyes starring up at the dark sky. For a moment, Eddie just sat there confused before mirroring his actions, laying down on the grass beside him. 

"I convinced myself that you leaving was a good thing, that you deserved your life in New York." he continued, both starring up at the sky. "After all, your mother made it pretty clear that you were fine where you were. I didn't want to be the guy who chases after you only to be rejected, because fuck, _Evan_ , i was so scared that if i found you, you would tell me the reason you left is because you didn't love me anymore..." 

"-That's not true!" Buck raised his voice, desperate for Eddie to understand that he didn't leave because he didn't love Eddie anymore. That was far from the truth. "I left because i was scared we would end up resenting each other...turns out i ruined it." 

Suddenly Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he turned to look at Buck despite their awkward position of laying down. "Fuck, what happened to us?" 

Buck smiled tightly, somehow keeping eye contact with the other man. "Life, i guess." 

Eddie looked sad, his eyes rimmed red as he starred back at the blonde, however he still managed a small smile. "I never hated you." He breathed out, shaking his head. "I'll admit, i would say i hated you to everyone for leaving me, but, i wouldn't let anybody say a bad word against you." 

Buck felt the first tear roll down his cheek as Eddie said those words, he was on the verge of fully crying when he blurted out. "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry-" But his words were cut out when Eddie rolled over, his hands resting on either side of Buck's head as he leaned down and pressed their lips together, taking the blondes breath away. 

He tensed, not prepared for their first kiss in nine years, so he froze. Eddie, of course, pulled away instantly, his face full of regret and he was about to apologise, probably say it was a mistake when Buck grabbed a hold of his jacket and kissed him back. 

Buck gasped into the kiss as Eddie's tongue slipped in his mouth, a strong hand wrapping around the back of his head as he kissed back. His hands found a place in Eddie's hair, keeping him still as their mouths morphed together. 

It was when Eddie tried to pull back that Buck held onto him a little tighter, he whispered _please_ and _stay_ under his breath as Eddie starred back into his eyes, the emotions being passed between them clear. 

They continued to kiss passionately, Buck's arms wrapping around Eddie's neck as a way to keep him close, the brunettes tongue curling in his mouth was enough for Buck to cling on just a bit tighter, his teeth scraping against his lower lip. 

Eddie suddenly pulled back, face flushed and mouth pink and bitten. If anyone could see him now there is no way he would be able to hide that he had just been making out with his ex husband. 

"Shit-" he breathed out, before he was jumping up, until he was back on his feet and stepping away from the blonde. "Fuck, Buck. You need to go home" 

Buck just sat up, watching as Eddie paced the area in front of him, a hand nervously tugging at his hair that Buck had well and truly messed up. He could already feel the guilt washing over him, the guilt over Abby, the guilt over putting Eddie into this position. And he was a terrible person for wanting to be comforted right now, comforted by the one person who was already stood in front of him. 

"Go home, Buck." Was the last thing Eddie said before he was walking off, not looking back as he did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peace!!


	9. chapter 9: holding on and letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was much easier to remain blissfully unaware, 
> 
> And a new life reminds Buck of what he has to leave behind in Texas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holding on and letting go - Ross Copperman (the title of this song is very relevant :p )

Buck had to leave. He knew that now. 

After all, he had came and gotten what he wanted. Eddie signed on the dotted line and let him go and how did Buck repay him? By straddling him and making out with him until he was physically pushed back. 

After Eddie had rushed off, clearly done with the mixed signals that the blonde had just served him with, Buck had laid in the position that Eddie had left him for almost an hour, starring in the direction that Eddie had left in. The stupid part of Buck had questioned if Eddie would running back, but the logical side of him pictured Abby. Abby who was sat waiting for him in New York to marry, not Eddie who was raising Christopher and had finally agreed to a divorce. Abby, Abby...not Eddie. 

"Do you need help packing, dear?" He startled at the sound of his mothers voice, the woman was stood in the doorway of his old bedroom, watching him stare aimlessly at the unpacked suitcase. He was unsure how long she had been stood there starring at him, he almost didn't want to know. 

"You sound like you want me gone." Buck said, although he tried to come across humorous, there was a slight bitterness edge. When she didn't defend herself, he added. "Just say what you want to say, mom." 

And then it all came out, "Maybe it's for the best." she walked further into his room, looking at him almost sympathetically. He hated that, the pity. "I saw you looking at Eddie yesterday-" 

Before she could continue and turn their calm conversation into a tense one, Buck spoke up, "We are not doing this right now." he snapped, suddenly defensive. "It's very clear you have always had a problem with me and Eddie. I'm not about to discuss it now." 

She looked hurt, but Buck couldn't bring himself to care. "I've never had a problem with Eddie, Buck." she paused, unsure how to handle this. When Buck just starred back at her with a look mirroring her own, she continued. "In fact, Eddie is a great guy. One of the best, i have bookclub with his mother and aunt...he is a great dad, i see that." 

Buck scoffed, really not wanting to hear how perfect his ex had become since he had abandoned him, especially not from the woman who essentially drove him away from his marriage. Looking back at her now, Buck has never really acknowledged it, but maybe he did resent her for it. 

"You see that now?" He willed himself not to cry, grabbing a couple of shirts and shoving them into his bag, cringing at how creased they were about to be. "There were two things i wanted from you when i was a kid mom. For you to be the parent me and Maddie needed, because we sure as hell didn't have dad. And for you to like Eddie, the only thing that really made me happy." 

She looked away from her son, there was something unreadable on her face but if Buck was to guess, he would say it was guilt. 

"Me and Eddie were not you and dad." Buck said quietly, he was unsure how long they had sat in silence before he had decided to speak up. She flinched at the mention of his father, before her attention turned to her son slightly. "I know you were scared that my marriage would turn out like yours. After all, you married young too. But, you were convinced that Eddie would end up leaving and breaking my heart." He looked ahead, deciding looking at his mother was not an option right now. "So, what? You decided that my marriage was a mistake for me because your marriage to dad was. You decided i married too young because you decided you did." 

He could see the affect his words were having on his mom, but he continued anyway. "I was not you mom, you convinced me i needed to get out of Texas and live my life because that's what you wished you had done." he rubbed at his eye, "But i love-uh, loved him. I was twenty one mom, i needed your support, not for you to convince me to leave him." _I never wanted to leave him,_ Buck knew that now. 

The tear that rolled down his cheek was instantly wiped away, before he was standing up and packing his clothes as if the conversation with his mother had not just happened. After all, he was tying up loose ends, it was clear that he and his mother had needed that conversation and now it was over and everybody needed to move on. 

He could feel his mothers eyes on him as he continued to pack, the tears blurring his vision slightly but he refused to stop. He was tired of this exhausting town. He heard her get up from the bed and leave, eventually he heard the front door shut from downstairs indicating he was alone in the house.

Once his suitcase was packed, he carried it out of his room and didn't spare a glance back to the room he was leaving behind. He pulled out of his phone, frowning at the amount of missed calls and texts he had. The more surprising part was that most of the missed calls were from Eddie, the others were from Maddie's phone and there was a text message from Abby that he was about to reply to before he saw the missed calls. 

When Eddie's face popped up on his screen before he had the chance to ring one of them back, he quickly answered it and dropped his suitcase on the couch in the process. "Eddie? How did you get my new number?" Was his first question, which he instantly regretted by the sound of a stressed out Eddie on the other end of the call. 

"Fuck, why does no one in your entire family answer the phone?" He snapped, but didn't even take a breath when he added. "I don't care where you are or what you are doing. I'm with Maddie and she needs you right now." 

Buck's heart instantly plummeted, quickly forgetting about the flight he was going to catch today because his sister needed him. "I found her and got her to the hospital...she's in labour Buck and i'm kinda freaked out, Chimney isn't here because he was on a call out at work and i promised him i would hold her hand until he got here..." Eddie added, "but fuck, she has a tight grip so please-" 

By the time Eddie had finished his sentence, Buck was already on his way. 

**aged 18. Buck Eddie. Texas**

_Buck wasn't a runner. Nope, he was an eighteen year old that preferred to spend his spare time sleeping and not running. Right now, however? He regretted his lack of ability to run as he forced himself to keep running in the direction of the hospital, despite his body protesting against it._

_He dodged almost everyone in the hospital, almost knocking a kid over in the process and he had to stop to profoundly apologise before he went on his way._

_"Shit, you're alive." Buck gasped out as he held onto the door frame once he had made it to Eddie's hospital room, taking a moment to catch his breath now he knew that Eddie was still breathing._

_Eddie smirked from where he sat on the bed, his arm in a sling. "Don't sound too happy, baby." before Buck was marching over to him, pressing their lips together to silence Eddie from anymore sarcasm._

_Eddie kissed back eagerly, using his one good arm to wrap it around Buck's waist and pull him closer. However, Sophia, who Buck just realised was sat in the corner of his hospital room grabbed a pen from the bedside table and threw it in their direction, both of them springing apart._

_The blonde narrowed his eyes at his sister in law, "Sophia! When you called me you were acting like Eddie was bleeding out." he accused, seeing the smirk that matched her brothers on the girls face. "I ran all the way here thinking i was about to be a widow."_

_Eddie rolled his eyes at his sisters dramatics before he used his one hand to grab a hold of Buck's jaw and kiss him once more, groaning when Buck pulled back, still looking over at Sophia. "What?" Sophia said, her hands up in defence. Buck couldn't help but grin. "Eddie is a terrible patient, he was whining like a baby and i thought if i sounded panicky on the call to you it would make you get here faster and Eddie would stop whining when he saw you."_

_"I don't whine-" Eddie went to protest, but was cut off by both Sophia and Buck who shouted over him, "Yes you do!"_

**present**

Buck ran through the maternity ward in the hospital, thankfully he was a much better runner now a days and was able to find Maddie and Eddie pretty quickly. The midwife who had directed Buck in Maddie's direction was a saint, reassuring the blonde that his sister was very much safe and in capable hands. 

Once he was in the scrubs he needed to be in to enter Maddie's room, he pushed the door open and was met with the sight of a panicked Eddie while his sister kept a tight grip on the mans hand, shouting "Chimney, is that you?" 

"Sorry, sis." Buck smiled, "You got second best. But i promise he's on his way." 

She cried out, sending Buck into a state of panic and now he knew why Eddie was looking like he was on the verge of passing out, however when the smile returned to her face, she held her other spare hand out to her brother. "Evan...you are still here." she whispered, almost surprised that he hadn't ran off to New York as soon as he got those papers signed. 

"I'm not going to leave now, am i?" He smiled, pushing back the hair that was stuck to her forehead, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm here Maddie." 

His eyes drifted up to Eddie who was starring back at him, looking somewhat relieved that Buck was here now to reassure Maddie but also looking pained. Buck had been so caught up with getting to his sister in time that he had completely forgotten that the last time he had seen Eddie he had shoved his tongue down his throat. 

Eddie's face was unreadable for a moment before they both looked back towards Maddie when she let out a pained cry. "The pain relief, Eddie. Please!" she called out, Buck watching as the brunette quickly scrabbled to pick up the gas and air, passing it to Maddie quickly. 

The nurse came in to check Maddie's vitals, the whole time Buck watched over her anxiously, biting at the side of his thumb and occasionally glancing over at Eddie. 

With Maddie being pretty out of it, at least, Buck assumed she was by how she had her head resting against the pillow and humming to herself, occasionally crying out as a result of a contraction, Eddie took the opportunity to escape from Maddie's grip, stepping back as if he were going to grab his jacket. After all, Buck was here now and Chimney shouldn't be far behind. 

However, almost deceived by his own mind, Buck spoke up. "Please stay." Eddie froze, looking completely confused for a moment as he starred back at the blonde. "I mean- can you stay? I'm kinda freaking out here and until Chimney or mom gets here i don't know what to do..." 

"He's right Eddie." Maddie breathed out, the pain evident in her voice. "We both know Evan, he's awful under pressure and when i start pushing i'm going to scream and he's going to freak out. We both need you here, i need you both." 

Buck knew Eddie wouldn't deny Maddie. He was too good of a guy, even if he felt uncomfortable as hell in a room with his ex husband and sister in law who is about to give birth, he would still stay if he knew he was needed. 

Eddie looked at Buck for a second, his eyes softening when he realised that Buck was in fact scared. Seeing his sister in so much pain was not a nice experience, and he's pretty sure watching Eddie walk out of that door right now would make it hurt way more. 

"...Okay." he said slowly, before he placed his jacket back down. He grabbed a hold of Maddie's left hand once more, smiling back at her. "You've got us, both of us. We'll be here, right Buck?" 

Buck couldn't help but smile as he continued to brush his sisters hair back, "Always." he assured, "We may not be Chim but the three of us? We've got this, you've got this Maddie. You're the strongest person i know." 

She looked content, looking back up at them both. "Like old times, huh?"

From where they were both leaning down at Maddie, hands entwined with hers, they managed to smile at each other.

The moment was ruined by Maddie groaning out, "I need to push." And suddenly, Buck was on the verge of freaking out all over again as the midwife rushed in and only confirmed Maddie's announcement. 

Buck was unsure how long Maddie had pushed for before a screaming baby boy came into the world. Buck cried, instantly as his nephew was held up by the doctor and placed on his sisters chest, a tear making its way down his face as he looked up and saw Eddie mirroring his expression. 

"You did it Maddie." Buck whispered, insanely proud of his sister right now. However, the woman was completely distracted by her newborn son, who looked the perfect mixture of her and Chim and Buck loved his nephew already. 

He caught Eddie's eye from over the top of Maddie's head, the brunette was starring down at the baby with so much adoration that it made the blondes heart burst with pride. Eddie had stayed, Maddie had begged him not to leave her and Buck and he had stayed. 

Eddie looked up and grinned, clearly ecstatic with the new baby in the family. Because that's what Eddie had always been to Maddie, family, and he sure as hell wasn't going to take that title away from him now. 

Their eye contact was broken by the sound of the door flying open. There stood Chimney, completely covered in dirt and his work uniform still on as he starred back at the woman he loved and their child. 

Eddie looked back at Buck before signalling towards the door, the blonde pressing a final kiss to his sister and nephews heads before he followed Eddie out of the door. As they passed Chimney in the doorway, who looked completely in love, they both patted him on the shoulder, Buck whispering, "He's gorgeous. Congratulations." Before they left the couple and their newborn to alone to be a family. 

The second they were in the hospital doorway, Eddie was slipping into his jacket, his eyes remaining watery, like Buck's. "Eds-" Buck started, when the brunette made no attempt to turn around and look at him, Buck reached out and grasped his wrist. "Thank you." 

Eddie nodded slowly, "No need to thank me, Buck." he shrugged, "I love Maddie." 

Buck smiled, "She loves you too." 

Eddie shrugged, hands shoved into the pockets of his leather jackets as he nodded towards the exit behind Buck. "I should go, i've left Christopher with Abuela too long." Buck nodded, stepping aside to clear Eddie's path. Eddie awkwardly smiled for a moment, clearly unsure how to say goodbye to Buck, before he started walking. 

Against his better judgement, Buck's hand shot out and grabbed Eddie's hand just as the brunette was about to pass him and leave. 

For a moment, they could only hear each others anxious breathing, clearly unsure what the next move was. Eddie didn't know how to react while Buck was trying to convince himself to let go of Eddie's hand. 

"Buck" - "Eddie" They both said at the same time. 

"What are you doing?" Eddie finally asked, starring ahead at the exit and facing the opposite direction to Buck despite the blonde still having a tight grip on his hand. Buck was starring forward, away from Eddie too. Almost too ashamed to look. "Buck?" Eddie urged when the blonde made no attempt to speak. 

"I don't know." Was all Buck could reply as that was the only thing that was going on in his mind right now. 

Eddie went to move, to tug his hand free from Buck's but before he had the chance, Buck had made up his mind. He let go of Eddie, but turned around quick enough to grab a hold of him again, pressing their lips together once more. 

It was selfish on Buck's side, always pushing Eddie away but when asked to let go, refusing. But he couldn't stop himself from melting into the kiss as the brunette kissed back, and maybe it was the emotion of them both experiencing Maddie gave birth or maybe it was that Buck thought this would be his last chance.

But he kissed him, his mouth parting for Eddie's tongue as he felt his own tears...or Eddie's? land on his face,

Kissed him until the sound of somebody clearing their throat behind them broke them apart. 

His mother stood there, a phone pressed to her ear as she looked between the two through narrowed eyes. "Evan." She said slowly, despite her eyes suddenly being focused on Eddie. She managed to snap her gaze away, to hold the phone out towards the blonde, "Abby...she's on the phone." 

Buck felt Eddie let go of his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of your comments, always making me smile. 
> 
> peace!


	10. chapter 10: if you loved me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was inevitable, Eddie was always going to meet Abby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you loved me - gracey 
> 
> here we have one chapter from the perspective of the beloved Eddie Diaz. enjoy being inside his head.

**aged 18. eddie and buck. texas**

_"Shit! Eddie, what are you doing?" Buck shouted the second he saw Eddie through the mirror. The brunette was stood behind him, in his best suit and looking gorgeous and Buck couldn't believe he got to marry the love of his life today. Especially when the love of his life looked like Eddie._

_"Looking at you, baby." Eddie smirked as his eyes looked Buck up and down, much to the blondes amusement._

_"It's bad look to see each other before the wedding." Buck decided, despite not even believing in those stupid traditions. After all, Hen had informed him a couple of days ago that it was 'bad luck' to have sex the night before your wedding but that didn't stop Buck from sneaking into Eddie's bedroom last night and preceding to let Eddie fuck him until they both passed out because that was just the way Buck worked. When Hen had texted him as soon as she woke that morning asking him where he was, he had replied with a picture of a sleeping Eddie much to her amusement, she knew they wouldn't be able to keep apart for one night._

_Eddie simply shut his eyes, as if that made it any better. "Can't see you now."_

_Buck grinned, before also closing his eyes. "Ok...walk towards me."_

_Eddie laughed, "I can't exactly see, cariño." still, Eddie walked forward with his arms out to protect himself from face planting._

_Eventually, they found each other and locked hands. "You ready to spend the rest of your life with me?" Buck asked, eyes still firmly closed._

_His smirk was kissed off his mouth as Eddie pressed multiple kisses to his lips before pulling away, "Like i said before, who else will if i don't?" He teased, before Buck reattached their mouths,_

_laughing when they heard Hen sigh in the doorway._

**present**

"Holy hell, he's cute." Hen announced as she leaned over Chimney's shoulder, allowing the tiny baby in his arms to grasp her finger. Eddie, who was sat to the left of Chimney, grinned because Maddie and Chimney had made a really cute kid. "Welcome to the world baby Theo!"

Sure, he was no Christopher, _but could anyone be as cute as Christopher?_ But he was still pretty adorable and had that Buckley family nose that Eddie was all too familiar with. 

"We heard you were basically the midwife, Eds." Bobby teased from where he stood beside Hen, "Thinking about a career change?" 

Eddie rolled his eyes, "All i did was carry a screaming Maddie into the maternity ward and held her hand while she did all the work." It wasn't like he was the only one there either, Buck played the vital role of calming his sister down. 

"You wanna hold?" Chimney asked, turning his attention towards Eddie. Eddie was about to refuse, after all, the last newborn he held was his eight year old son who was currently sat beside him with a look of excitement on his face as he starred back at the baby, but deciding that Christopher most like wanted to see the baby up close he agreed. 

Chimney placed the baby in his hold, and as Eddie had expected, Christopher had shuffled in closer to his father and get a look at the baby. Eddie swore his heart grew in size when he saw his son hold out a hand towards Theo and the baby reciprocated by reaching out and hooking his fist around Christopher's finger. 

"Was i this small?" Christopher asked as he looked up towards Eddie with wide eyes, clearly in awe of tiny Theo. 

"Yeah, buddy you were this small." Eddie leaned over and pressed a kid to Christophers curls before turning his attention back to Theo who seemed content to be in Eddie's arms. He looked like Maddie's side of the family, he was almost painfully cute with his dark hair that mirrored his fathers. 

"You look good with a baby, Diaz." Hen smirked as she ruffled his hair as she passed him. 

"Thought i'd find him with you lot." Eddie's snapped his head back up at the sound of Maddie's face, the smile slowly falling from his face when he saw who was stood behind her. Buck, almost looking afraid to be seen was stood a few steps behind his sister with his hands awkwardly shoved in his coat pockets while he starred ahead, however Eddie watches as Buck's eyes eventually landed on him. 

Eddie was sat here holding his newborn nephew and according to Hen, _Looking good doing so,_ while starring back at Buck. For a moment, Eddie just maintained eye contact with the blonde until Chimney nudged his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. "He's gorgeous Maddie." Eddie started, before he motioned for Chimney to take his son back. Once Theo was back in Chimney's arms, Eddie turned to Christopher and held his arms out to pick him up. 

"It was great seeing you all but me and Chris should go-" And maybe it was some bullshit excuse, because in reality he and Christopher had no where else to be today but he also knew he didn't want to be here while Buck's sad puppy dog eyes starred back at him. Christopher, thank god, complied without much resistance and allowed his father to pick him up. 

Eddie knew all eyes were on him as he grabbed Christopher's crutches and glanced in Bobby's direction, deciding to avoid looking in Buck's direction after all, he has been known to be weak around him recently. 

Because that was typical Eddie wasn't it, unable to deny Buck anything, so no he wasn't going to glance in his general direction. 

Unfortunately for him, his child didn't receive the memo as he looked over his fathers shoulder and grinned, "Hiya Buck." Eddie mentally sighed, because of course he had the friendliest kid out there and as soon as Christopher caught sight of Buck, he would want to talk to him. 

Deciding he wasn't going to the be the guy that makes it seem like Eddie is the one causing the problems between them, the brunette turned back around and faced Buck who looked a little unsure himself. "Uh, hey...Hi Christopher." Was Buck's sudden reply, realising that starring back at them wasn't a sufficient enough reply for an eight year old and his impatient father. And as suprising as it was, Buck looked directly at Eddie and managed a smile. "Hi Eddie." 

Eddie nodded, biting the inside of his mouth, because that was all he got? _Hi Eddie..._ Not i'm sorry i kissed you twice now while you have a fiancé at home waiting for you, who you will return to because he's left Eddie once, he's not afraid to do it twice. 

But then he remembered he had his child in his arms, so in true Eddie style, he plastered on a smile and replied with a quick, "Hey Buck." And Eddie knew everybody but Christopher and Theo were starring at him with knowing eyes, because Eddie was a fireman not an actor and he couldn't hide his true feelings despite how desperately he wanted to. It was the look from Maddie that got him. 

When Buck had left, Eddie had expected Maddie to no longer talk to him. After all, he drove her brother away and surely that meant she would be pissed at him. But, apparently not, she still treated him like her same brother-in-law she always had and for that he loved her. So the sad look she was shooting in his direction was enough to convince him to make his escape once more. 

"Say goodbye, Christopher." He urged his son, hoping he wouldn't put up too much of an argument because Eddie really needed to get out of this place. Away from Buck. 

He didn't look back at Buck as he walked out of the firehouse, instead just focused his attention on Christopher as he rushed down the stairs and tried to block out any further conversation that was going on behind him. 

His first breath of fresh air when he got outside was welcomed. He placed Christopher back down on the floor and handed him his crutches, managing to give his son his best smile to avoid concerning the eight year old in front of him. Thankfully, Christopher just smiled back before turning his head away from Eddie while the brunette attempted to locate his car keys. 

"Daddy?" It was Christopher tugging on his jacket that had him returning his attention back to the eight year old instantly, concern plastered across his face. "Why is that woman starring at us?" 

Eddie frowned as he glanced towards where Christopher was nodding until his eyes landed on a woman who was in fact starring at them. For a moment, Eddie just starred back before assuming she was here for help after all, he was still in his uniform. 

"Hey miss, can i help you?" Eddie called out as he told Christopher to wait by the door, before the brunette took a few steps towards the woman. She was stood there, definitely looking out of place in her shiny black heels and dress. If Eddie were to place a bet, he would say she had come from the city because ain't nobody around this town wearing a coat like hers.

She smiled, "Yes, i'm looking for my fiancé... i was told by the lady over there he was probably here." Eddie raised an eyebrow as he followed her gaze to Athena who was sat at the side of the road in her car, probably waiting for Bobby to finish so they could go get dinner. Athena just gave him a look of uncertainty which had him returning his eyes to the woman in front of him. 

"Oh yeah?" He grinned, "What's your fiancé's name?"

"Evan Buckley." Eddie swore his blood ran cold the second he heard that name, the smile instantly dropping from his face as he realised who the hell was stood in front of him. Suddenly, she was a real person, not the person Buck kept mentioning before he shoved his tongue down Eddie's throat, no she was actually real and was smiling back at Eddie without knowing who he was. 

Eddie suddenly looked between them both. Here Eddie stood in over-worn work clothes and boots that were clinging together while Evan's fiancé wore a designer dress and a leather handbag in her grip, it was clear why Buck left Eddie now. 

"Oh...You want Buck?" Was Eddie's choked out reply, trying to regain his thought process. 

She nodded, "Yeah do you know him?" _He had his tongue in my mouth not so long ago_ , would have been his reply if he was trying to hurt her. However, she was starring back at him with a smile and Eddie wasn't going to be that guy. Because as much as he would like to hurt Buck, he physically couldn't hurt that man, and he was certain he never would. 

"I do." He confirmed, with a small smile. "I can take you to him." 

And then she was thanking Eddie just as Bobby walked out of the firehouse, about to shout goodbye to Eddie before he realised he had company. "Bobby, can you just stay with Chris a second?" Was all Eddie said before he told his son to stay with Bobby and led her into the firehouse. 

He could see her eyes scanning the interior of the house, he imagined that the New York fire department got a hell of a lot more funding than a small town in Texas. He could hear Buck's voice before he saw him, and he figured she did too judging by the excited expression that suddenly appeared on her face. Eddie forced himself to push down any jealously he was currently feeling over somebody having that reaction to Buck that wasn't him, as he led her up the stairs and to the area he had left everybody. 

It was Maddie that caught sight of them first, she was cradling Theo in her arms and laughing at something Hen had said when Eddie cleared his throat. 

Buck, who had been facing his sister, must have noticed the change in her expression because he was turning around and maybe Eddie was childish to feel happy that Buck noticed him before her, but he did. Then his attention was leaving Eddie as he spotted his fiancé beside his ex husband, it would be _hilarious_ if Eddie didn't want to run away right now. 

"Abby?" Was what Buck got out before he was quickly adding, "What are you doing here?" 

She grinned, "Surprise!" And everyone else in the room must have clicked on who Abby was because they were suddenly all looking at Eddie as if they were trying to work out his reaction. Eddie, however, just remained straight faced. 

However, when Abby rushed forward and kissed Buck, he was sure his friends would be able to figure out his reaction for that. 

As she pulled him into a hug, Buck glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with Eddie. 

Buck just looked back at Eddie helplessly as if he wanted to speak up, but seeing her arms wrapped around him, Eddie made the choice from both of them and looked away. 

"You're Abby?" Maddie suddenly broke the awkward silence, walking towards them both. However, Chimney's attention still remained on Eddie, almost trying to catch the other mans attention in the process despite Eddie starring past everyone. "I'm Maddie, Buck's sister..." 

Eddie drowned out the rest of their conversation, although from the corner of his eyes he could feel Buck's eyes still on him. 

When Buck asked how Abby had known he was here she mentioned Athena before turning to Eddie and motioning in his direction, "And thankfully-" she paused, Eddie figured he hadn't told her his name and she was waiting for him to speak up. 

He shot a look towards Buck before his eyes focused on Abby once more, beautiful Abby who was the complete opposite of him, _Nice. "_ Eddie." He replied. 

And he witnessed the exact moment she put two and two together, her eyes moving between Buck and Eddie before quietly asking Buck, "Eddie as in?" 

"Eddie as in your fiancé's ex husband." Eddie didn't mean to sound harsh, in fact, he tried to keep his voice as steady as possible as he starred back at a confused Abby. "What didn't expect me?" 

When nobody replied, Eddie assumed she was a little unsure how to respond to that. Eddie didn't blame her. 

"Don't worry, he's got his divorce." Eddie assured, "He's all yours." 

And with that, Eddie took once final look in Buck's direction, the blonde was just starring back at him, eyes sad, in a way that made him regret being harsh.

"Dad?" That had Eddie being forcibly dragged out of his moment of anger, he turned around to face Christopher and his eyes softened. 

"Let's go home, mijo." Was all Eddie said before he was picking Christopher up and leaving everyone but Christopher behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise the pain will stop asap
> 
> peace!!


	11. chapter 11: already gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> already gone - sleeping at last 
> 
> this song makes me cry like a baby

Buck's mom loved Abby, of course she did, the blonde had mentally prepared himself for this moment for the past couple of months knowing fine well the only person he's ever introduced to his family was Eddie. And even then they had already known Eddie so it wasn't a big deal, in fact, their families realised they were dating before they even did. 

But standing here watching Alice treat Abby like she were the Queen of England out on a visit, he couldn't help feel uneasy even when Abby looked over at him and smiled. 

It didn't matter that his family were getting along with Abby, all he could picture was the look Eddie had given him before he had walked out with Christopher. Hell, even Christopher had looked sad as if he knew the reason his father was upset and didn't put up a fight because he knew that Eddie wanted to get the hell out of there. Away from Abby and more importantly, away from Buck. 

And suddenly, Buck was thankful that Eddie had his son in his corner, because Christopher was clearly the best thing in Eddie's life and isn't that ironic that Christopher was there so Eddie wouldn't be alone despite Buck being the one to leave him alone in the first place? 

"You should give her the house tour, Evan." Alice spoke up, dragging him from his daydream. He realised all eyes were on him, his mom and Abby were looking back at him with matching hopeful smiles while Maddie and Chimney who had stopped by were sat on the couch, and Buck knew their smiles were forced. Buck didn't blame them, even though Maddie was Buck's sister and she would always side with him, it didn't stop them both being Eddie's friends. 

"Yeah, sure." Buck motioned for Abby to follow him, almost unsure how to interact with her now after being a way from New York for a couple of weeks. Texas really does change you, he just had to decide if it were for better or for worse. 

Thankfully, Abby must not have picked up on his strange mood as she followed him up the stairs, tracing a hand along the photo of Buck in his prom suit, grinning at the camera like a love sick fool. Buck pushed down the memory that it had been Eddie behind the camera, making him smile like that. 

"Your house is lovely." Abby commented, as polite as always but that didn't make Buck believe her. After all, he knew what her penthouse suite looked like and his mother's house was not the definition of what she would consider lovely. 

They ended up in his room, Buck talking her though the trophies he had from high school while she commented on his typical teenage boy bedroom, whatever the hell that meant, he didn't know. But, on the other hand he understood, two teenage boys had basically been living here most of the time. 

"Pretty cool...my dad used to play sport in school!" She grinned as she held up a jersey that Buck left hanging up on the back of his door. He reached out to grab it, but she was somehow quicker than him and shifted so she held it up against herself before turning to look in the mirror. "What sport did you play?" 

He sighed, looking away from where she was holding the jersey up. "I didn't." He watched as the look of confusion spread across her face before he added, "That's...uh, Eddie's jersey." 

Indeed, she turned the jersey around to see _Diaz_ written across the back of it before looking back at Buck with an unreadable expression before she was returning the jersey back where she found it, as if Eddie hadn't been mentioned and she had decided that forgetting about him would be much easier. 

Just like Buck did. 

**aged 17. Buck Eddie. Texas**

_"Damn Diaz, you suit that jersey." Hen teased as the brunette walked up to her and Hen, snatching the drink from Buck's hand that the blonde had been about to take out of and took one for himself instead. "Watch out, Buck. I might steal him."_

_Buck rolled his eyes, but still grabbed a hold of Eddie, despite the fact he was covered in sweat from being out on the field, and placed him so he was sat between Buck's legs on the school bleachers with his head pressed against Buck's stomach. "You wouldn't stand a chance." Buck grinned back confidently before he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Eddie's sticky forehead._

_Hen shrugged, "You're lucky i'm into girls." before she adding, "Speaking of girls...i've been spending too much time with you both. Cya later."_

_Buck chuckled as he watched her walk away before his attention was caught once more by Eddie who had somehow shifted so he was facing the blonde now. "Speaking of people stealing me..." Eddie started and he had that smile on his face that Buck had grown to know it meant Eddie was about to say something to get a reaction out of him, so it didn't surprise him when he followed with, "The new girl, y'know my new bio partner?" Because their new teacher thought it was a good idea that they were no longer allowed to choose their own partners for the term, trying to encourage them to get out of their comfort zone and meet new friends... who the hell would want to do that?_

_Buck hummed, brushing his fingers through Eddie's hair despite the sweat that had dried in there. He was in love after all._

_"Asked me if i wanted to hang out sometime." Eddie was already chuckling as he spoke, "Apparently i'm the nicest person she's met up to now..."_

_"Oh yeah?" Buck pulled Eddie closer, if that was even possible and pressed their mouths together, feeling Eddie smiling into the kiss as he did. He was glad Eddie found it funny. "You got a date?"_

_"Mmmm." Eddie said against Buck's lips, "I'm leaving you. It was fun while it lasted."_

_Now Buck wasn't a possessive guy, he had no reason to be jealous because Eddie was his and they had established that a long time ago. So, no, he didn't blame the new girl for not knowing Eddie was in a committed relationship before assuming he would be up for a date, nope not at all._

_"Maybe next bio class we will go in holdings hands?" Buck suggested with a grin, although he was being deadly serious._

_Eddie smirked, "Buck, we always go in holding hands." he made the point before adding, "It's fine, i let her down gently. After all, i imagine i'd be a hard person to get over."_

_Buck rolled his eyes for the third time, before grabbing at Eddie's face again._

_"Diaz! Stop making out with your boyfriend and get back on the pitch!" It was Buck's turn to laugh against Eddie's lips as they heard Eddie's coach calling for him, the brunette reluctantly moving backwards with a look of defeat. Buck just smiled as Eddie went back in for six (he counted) kisses before he stood up and ran back to the field, not before calling out_

_"Don't worry, you can keep my jersey."_

**present**

Knocking on his old front door felt strange and the Buck that had returned to Texas from New York would have just walked in and made himself at home, but suddenly he almost didn't think he had the right anymore. Especially since Eddie had signed the divorce papers and therefore Buck should let go of this house too. 

Eddie answered the door, looking a little startled to see the blonde before his face returned back to the neutral expression Buck had grown to know from Eddie now. "Aren't you supposed to be on a plane right now?" Surprisingly, his voice didn't sound harsh as he asked that, almost like all the fight had left him and Buck understood that feeling. 

"We are getting the afternoon one." Buck replied, anxiously biting at the inside of his gum while avoiding eye contact from the man in front of him. "I just..." 

Buck didn't know why he was here, he had said his goodbyes to most people after he decided that he wanted to get the hell out of this place. Abby had been disappointed at first, since she had came all this way just for Buck to want to go back to New York, however he played it off as excitement to (home?) and she had agreed. After all, it was easy to distract her once he brought up their upcoming wedding back in the city. 

Eddie just watched Buck curiously, waiting for a reason. 

Buck was thankful in that moment that Christopher appeared behind his father, catching both of their attention. Evidently, Eddie made the decision for Buck and spoke up, "Hey Chris, Buck has stopped by to say goodbye. You wanna come over here?" 

Christopher, looking pleased to see the blonde walked over, looking between the two men as if he knew something was going on between them. _Smart kid_ , Buck thought. "You should come in, Abuela stopped by with cookies!" Was what Christopher said as he looked back at Buck, and while Buck didn't want to reject the cutest kid on the planet offer, he also didn't want to upset Eddie. He know understood he had done that enough. 

However, Eddie just stepped back and picked Christopher up to allow Buck to step inside the house. So naturally, he did. 

"They are her own recipe." Christopher grinned, as if that was the most impressive thing ever as he handed Buck one of Abuela's cookies. He wouldn't tell Christopher that he had grown up eating Abuela's 'special' cookies, as he didn't want to ruin the kids excitement of letting Buck try one. "She said i can have her recipe when i'm older but i can't tell daddy." 

Eddie chuckled from the other side of the kitchen, where he was leaning against the counter watching the pair interact. Buck smiled in Eddie's direction, feeling content as Eddie shot him the slightest smile back, but it was still a smile. It counted. 

"Well, i'm sure you could make those cookies better than your dad." Buck teased, feeling Eddie's eyes on him. "Have you tried his cooking?" 

Christopher's laughters had to go down as one of the best sounds he has ever heard, especially when Eddie joined in. 

It was his text tone going off that brought him back to reality, and apparently Eddie too as his laughter was cut short and he returned to that guarded Eddie Diaz that Buck officially knew. "I should probably go..." Buck decided as he saw the texts from Abby, staying here wasn't helping anyone after all. 

"Say bye to Buck, Chris." Eddie prompted as the eight year old threw his arms around Buck's waist, giggling as Buck squeezed back before reluctantly letting go. "C'mon, you go get your backpack sorted for when Sophia comes to pick you up while i go to work" He added as he picked his son up and carried him into the lounge area, returning once the boy was settled on the couch. 

Buck looked back at Eddie, suddenly regretting coming here in the first place. "Eddie, i-" 

The brunette cut him off before he even had the chance to start, "Please, _Evan_. Please, whatever you are about to say. Don't." He whispered, looking past Buck's shoulder and towards the front door. Buck suddenly felt at a loss. "Go to Abby." 

Buck nodded slowly, Abby, his future wife, Abby who he is so sure of. He should go to Abby. 

Buck didn't move, so Eddie pushed. "Evan, you let me go. A long time ago, right?" Eddie encouraged, "Now, it's my turn to let you go. But i can't do that unless you walk away."

This time Buck moved, stepping backwards as if that would comfort the brunette. 

"But we kissed and-" 

Eddie was shaking his head again, "And nothing. I won't tell Abby if that's what you are worried about, okay?" Eddie's voice slightly rose, before he corrected himself, knowing Christopher was nearby. "I'm telling you to walk away, i need you to walk away so please go to her." 

Buck couldn't help feel like he was walking out on Eddie again, even though he was with Abby. 

But Eddie wanted him to leave, he could see the desperation in his eyes as he silently pleaded with the other man. His guilt won the argument and he turned around to face the door, pretending not to hear Eddie's heavy breathing behind him. He knew that now, he had messed with Eddie enough this time and Eddie deserved better.

"I didn't, Eddie." Buck said, his eyes trained on the front door and not Eddie. It was for his own selfish reasons to leave Eddie with these thoughts, Buck knew that. "Back then, let you go. I didn't." 

And Buck was opening the door and not looking back. 

Turns out, whoever said " _time heals all"_ was a liar. 

\--

"I'm going to miss you." Maddie sighed as she held onto Buck a little tighter, baby Theo squished between them, another reminder of who he was going to miss when he returned to New York. 

"You'll be at the wedding right? You and mom?" Buck asked, needing something from home there with him. 

His mother, who was stood beside Maddie grinned, the woman who was most likely the most excited for Buck to marry Abby. "We wouldn't miss it for the world, Evan." She assured before leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "I'm really proud of you. You and Abby are going to have such a happy marriage." 

Buck managed a smile at that, it was a complete opposite reaction to what he got when he had told her he was marrying Eddie. 

Abby knocked their arms together with a grin, looking up at Buck with hopeful eyes. He imagined she was excited to leave Texas, although she was hiding it well for the sake of his family. He appreciated that. 

The sound of their flight being called out distracted them, he caught Maddie's eye as he turned his attention back to his family and she was looking at him in a questionable manner. For a moment, Buck ignored Abby packing up their stuff to leave, just looked back at his sister as if she held all the answers he was looking for. 

Maddie broke contact as her phone started ringing, she quickly passed Theo to their mom and stepped away to answer the call. 

"You ready?" Abby asked, smiling back at him. 

He paused for a moment, before nodding. He would go back to New York and marry Abby, that's who he was now. 

Picking up his backpack, he went to say his final goodbyes to his mother while Maddie was on the phone, pausing when he heard the tone of her voice. 

"Wait, Chim- i can barley hear you." Buck frowned, straining his eyes to try overhear his sisters conversation. He frowned as he stepped closer to her, the look on her face was enough to make him feel uneasy. Apparently his mom and Abby too as they watched, although he could feel his mothers eyes on him, sensing his reaction. 

Suddenly, any thoughts about returning to New York were pushed far out of his mind as Maddie uttered out,

her voice panicked, "Wait, what's happened to Eddie?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of course i've been mirroring a lot of the scenes from the movie in this book but in the final chapters to come my fic is not going to be an exact comparison to the movie but you know the inspo is still there! 
> 
> i imagine you are like whyyy am i still hurting them...but i had to for the sake of the next chapter ok! 
> 
> hate me now, but thank me later :)
> 
> peace!


	12. chapter 12: not over you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song: not over you by gavin degraw 
> 
> \- a very fitting song
> 
> a lil 'eddie begins' inspo in this chapter!

**aged 10. Alice Buckley. Texas**

_Alice remembered the day she figured out how much her son loved the Diaz boy._

_Buck was ten and already thought he knew everything about life. He was nothing like his father, which Alice appreciated, and he and Maddie were the best part of her. Sometime she would think they were the only good part of her._

_But one thing she knew for certain, was how attached Evan was to Eddie Diaz. From the moment they met, Buck was convinced Eddie was the creator of the sun and they would be side by side from then on._

_So you can imagine her son's reaction to Eddie getting injured. Eddie who was normally the rational one out of the two, after all, Buck was the clumsy one and Eddie was usually the one who had to carry Buck home on his back and tell Ms Buckley that, 'Buck cut his knee open again'._

_But when Eddie managed to knock himself unconscious when falling out of a treehouse, Alice realised just how much her son loved Eddie Diaz._

_"Mom! What if he dies?" Buck cried from beside her, tugging on her wrist to try get her to walk further into the hospital. However, she knew that Eddie's parents were currently with him and it was probably best to keep Buck out of the room for now, after all, there were only supposed to be two visitors at once._

_"He's going to be okay, Evan." Alice attempted to soothe her son, although she knew that there was nothing she could say to stop him crying now. The only person who could help Buck right now was Eddie himself and he was currently being treated for a bang to the head. "It was you who called for help, you helped him baby."_

_She had gotten the call from Eddie's mom, they were driving Eddie to the hospital because he had managed to knock himself out and they were bringing Buck along because he was convinced Eddie was about to die. So that's where Alice had found Buck, in the hospital waiting room crying about Eddie's head._

_"How about we go home? We have to go pick Maddie up from her friends house soon and-" Alice was about to say we can come straight back and check on Eddie, but Buck had already assumed she was making him leave Eddie behind and he shot up, running in the opposite direction before she even had the chance to object._

_She found him hanging over Eddie's bed, their hands entwined while Buck pressed his forehead against Eddie's neck, careful of the bandage wrapped around his head._

_Helena and Ramon Diaz were stood in the corner of the hospital room, smiling back at the two boys. Alice allowed herself to just watch her son, watch as he whispered, "I'm sorry! Don't die."_

_And then Eddie was chuckling, eyes opening as he titled his head so he could see the blonde. " 'M not gonna die, silly." He teased, "Now you know how it feels for me every time you get hurt."_

_Buck grinned when he realised Eddie was awake, Alice had never seen her son so happy. "Let's make a deal." He held out his pinky finger, "We both promise never to end up in hospital again, okay?"_

_Eddie smiled, locking their fingers together. "Promise."_

_Alice could see the Diaz loved her son just as much as her son loved him._

**present**

_Alice watched as a look of dread washed across her son's face at the mention of Eddie._

The look of panic on Maddie's face was enough to get Buck's head beating a little too fast for comfort, he was already dropping his bags on the floor, his flight completely forgotten about as he starred back at his sister, desperate for an explanation. 

"Maddie, give me the phone." He demanded, maybe a little harsh and maybe a little desperate. But Maddie wasn't quick enough with providing him with the information he needed, so he sure as hell was going to find out for himself. 

Surprisingly, Maddie allowed him to take her phone and he held it to his ear, stepping away. "Chimney? What's going on?" 

"Buck?" Chimney sounded a little surprised on the other end of the call, but soon corrected himself when Buck butted in, 

"Is Eddie hurt?" Was his first assumption, judging by the expression on Maddie's face, he figured he already knew the answer. 

Chimney was silent for a moment, allowing Buck to hear the sound of shouting and loud noises in the background. Chimney was outside and definitely at work if Buck were to guess. "It's pretty bad, Buck." Was all Chimney needed to say to say for Buck to feel physically ill. Thoughts overcame his brain, _please don't do this to me,_ he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to handle it if Chimney told him Eddie's life was in danger. 

He glanced over his shoulder, his mom and Abby starring back at him. Abby looked somewhat confused, almost waiting for Buck to explain something he didn't quite understand. In front of him was Maddie, who was already pulling out her car keys, clearly making up her mind. 

"Just tell me, whatever this is..." Buck started, almost afraid to finish his question. "Is he going to be okay?" 

Chimney's long pause was enough to cause a tear to fall from Buck's eye and land on his chin, _"_ Put Eddie on the phone, Chimney. I want Eddie on the phone now." Maddie just shook her head which only made Buck want to push for it more. When Chimney made no movement, Buck didn't hear him going to get Eddie, no he just stayed silent on the other end of the call. "I want Eddie on the phone!" 

"You should get down here, he's...He's trapped, okay? He can't get to us, we can't get to him." Chimney sounded breathless, clearly still moving and working while talking to Buck. Buck was convinced if Chimney stopped talking to him right now he would break down. "It was a call out, a kid stuck in a well. Eddie and me went down." Chimney stopped, taking a deep breath as if he was struggling to say the rest, like he didn't want Buck to know. Buck, however, needed to know. "Me and the boy got out. Eddie is trapped down there Buck and we've lost contact-" 

Eddie was trapped somewhere nobody could get to him? Where Buck couldn't get to him? 

"You better find contact then-" Buck snapped, he was emotional and being irrational he knew that. "He doesn't die, Chimney. Okay? Please, _please,_ he can't die. Get to him." 

Buck could only hear the sound of shouting on the other end of the line, it was almost hard to hear Chimney as he begged him to find Eddie. "We are trying Buck, i promise you." Chimney sounded deflated, a sound Buck really didn't want to hear right now.

Suddenly he was that ten year old kid again, sobbing in the hospital corridor, knowing Eddie was hurt but he couldn't get to him. 

"Bobby needs me Buck, i-" And the line was cut, way before Buck was ready. For a moment he just stood there, silently, starring ahead in the opposite direction to where Abby and his mom were stood. He didn't need to see their reactions to guess what they were thinking. 

Suddenly, Buck was making a decision. 

"Abby...listen." Abby must have already predicted what Buck was about to say, as she was dropping her bag back onto the ground. "I have to go...he's, it's Eddie. I have to." 

And Abby was nodding slowly, not protesting, but nodding. "Go." Was all Abby said, voice flat as she took Buck's bags from him. "Leave your stuff here and go, quickly. It sounds urgent." _It sounds like he needs you,_ was left unsaid. 

Buck starred back at her for a few more seconds, trying to figure out her expression. But he wasn't about to stick around to figure out what this meant for him and Eddie, so he silently agreed, turned around and followed Maddie out of the airport, refusing to glance back at their mom and Abby in the process. 

Buck cried, with his head shoved into his hands and in the passengers seat of his sisters car he allowed himself to cry. Maddie, who was driving to the location that Chimney had told her on the phone, attempted to soothe her brother by holding onto his hand, squeezing every time she heard a sob come from the blonde. 

But Buck couldn't stop picturing Eddie dead, Eddie leaving Christopher behind and leaving Buck behind. 

Buck hadn't believed in karma until now, this was his greatest fear. His biggest fear had always been the same thing, loosing Eddie. And while that sounded painfully ironic, considering he had left Eddie, he would rather not have Eddie if it meant that Eddie was happy and safe. And maybe, Buck had been stupid to think that leaving Eddie behind was the best thing, but now, faced with the possibility of Eddie dying, he knew this was punishment for all of his past mistakes. 

The world was going to take away Eddie from Buck for real this time and Buck wouldn't survive it. 

"What if he dies?" Buck whispered, once he had managed to somewhat control his tears. However, he knew they were still silently falling down from his eyes. "Maddie...if he dies..." 

His sister was already shaking her head, "You don't think like that, okay? This is Eddie we are talking about." Although he knew she was afraid too, judging by the tone of her voice. "They will find him Buck, you know they will." The silence lasted between them for only a few moments before Maddie was clearing her throat again when they pulled up to a stop sign, which didn't help Buck's anxieties very much. 

"You know, you can tell me anything Buck." She said softly, her eyes on him. "I'm not mom, i'm your big sister and you can talk to me." 

Buck knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he didn't have the chance as Maddie's phone was ringing and Buck swore his heart skipped a beat when he saw Chimney's name pop up on the caller ID. 

Without even waiting for approval, Buck grabbed the phone and pressed the green button, almost afraid to hear what Chimney was about to say. 

"Chim, what is happening?" Buck half pleaded, he knew how desperate he sounded. 

Chimney sounded panicked and his voice was strained, but he was still happy. "We've got him, Buck." And Buck was crying all over again, with relief, with frustration and he was absolutely terrified. "He's alive and awake, we are going to take him to the hospital now" 

Buck turned to Maddie and mouthed, 'hospital' and thankfully she was a good lip reader as he nodded. "Put him on the phone." 

"He's injured his throat Buck, he can't talk... it's hurting him to breathe right now." before Chimney was quickly adding, "We've given him a mask, he's got blankets. He's safe Buck." 

Just because Eddie couldn't talk, didn't mean that Buck couldn't. "Put your phone next to his head on the stretcher." Buck demanded, a little impatient. Because at least he would be able to hear Eddie breathing then, he trusted Chimney with his sister completely, but he's pretty sure he would never trust another person with Eddie in his life. 

"Okay, Buck...i'll leave you with Eddie." He could hear Chimney moving about and then all Buck could hear was the distant sound of Eddie's uneven breathing and he cringed, hating the sound of Eddie struggling to breathe by himself. 

He let out a deep breath, as if he was trying to breathe for the both of them before he was speaking, " _Eddie...it's me, it's Evan_." He quickly shot a glance towards his sister, who was thankfully still driving in the direction of the hospital that Eddie was also on his way too, before returning the attention to his call. "It's okay, i know you shouldn't speak, Chim told me. I guess i'll do the talking and you do the listening." He paused, before adding. "I guess you are used to that." 

He tried to laugh and make the situation lighthearted, but he knew that it was true. He had been making the decisions the past years and Eddie had just been expected to listen, he had left and Eddie hadn't had a say in that and he had demanded a divorce, without asking Eddie what he wanted. 

"You gave me a scare just then, Eds." Buck breathed out, the side of his head pressed against the side window of Maddie's car, hating that they were currently stuck in traffic. "I was convinced my heart stopped beating back then, when Chim told me they had no idea where you were. It freaked me out." 

He heard Eddie exhale shakily, before Buck continued. "Don't scare me like that ever again, okay?" He wiped the tear that fell from his eye, "Fuck, Eddie. I hope you know that-" 

He stopped himself, looking towards Maddie who was watching him whenever she got the chance to look away from the road. She smiled at him and nodded in an encouraging way, and Buck knew his sister well enough to know what she was telling him to do. 

Suddenly he was calling out, "Chim are you still there?" 

"Still here, buddy." Was Chim's quick reply. 

Buck nodded, even though he knew they were on a call. "Is Eddie still awake? Still listening?" 

Chimney managed a chuckle, before replying. "He's listening Buck, his eyes are open and he is listening to you." Before he added a quick, "Isn't that right, Eds?" 

Buck heard Eddie's exhale and that was a good enough reply for the blonde. 

"It's probably a good thing you can't talk, actually." Buck started, as he nervously bit at the corner of his thumb while feeling Maddie's eyes on him the whole time. "So, i'll talk and you listen to something i should've said a long time ago." 

Buck felt terrified, he hadn't planned for today to end up this way, that's for sure. 

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Eddie." Buck whispered out, leaving no time to pause between carrying on, almost afraid of stopping now he had started. "I don't know how to say this and you have every right not to believe me. But, Eds, leaving you tore my heart out of my body and i left it with you. This whole time, my heart was with you." 

Maddie squeezed his hand as he forced himself to continue, despite his voice shaking. "I couldn't tell Abby i loved her and at first i thought it was because i was too afraid to get into a committed relationship again." He sighed, his eyes focusing on the sign that highlighted that the hospital was close by. "Turns out, i couldn't, because i didn't love her. I'm still in love with you." 

"You may not believe me anymore, Eddie. And i understand if you don't, but i meant my vows." He heard Eddie's shaky breath on the other end of the call, "I love you, you're the only person i've ever loved and you are the only person i will ever love." 

Suddenly it was nothing but silence, and he started panicking because what if Eddie didn't want to hear that? What if he had already hurt Eddie too much and Eddie had wanted him to go back to New York, after all, Buck wouldn't blame him if that was the case. 

Eddie's breathing hitched and Buck's attention was instantly back on the phone call, desperate to know Eddie was okay but terrified to know at the same time. 

"I-" The blonde's eyes widened as he heard Eddie struggle to speak, he could hear Chimney shuffling back and mumbling _Eddie you have to keep the oxygen mask on_ and Buck smiled, knowing Eddie was stubbornly pushing his mask off to try talk. "B..." _Buck?_

And then Eddie was trying again, "I...'ov...e you." 

And while Eddie's voice was barley there and Buck had to strain his ears to be able to hear what Eddie was trying to say, he heard him. 

"I love you too, Eddie." 

And then Maddie was pulling up into the hospital car park, Buck dropping her phone back onto the car seat as he shot out of the car and ran towards where the paramedics were pulling Eddie's stretcher out of the ambulance, tears pooling in his eyes as he managed to catch a glance of the state of Eddie before he was being pushed through the hospital doors. 

The blonde was stopped before he could follow, Chimney holding onto his arm while supporting a smile. 

"He's okay, Buck." The dark haired man assured, before he nodded towards the hospital. "You gotta let them do their jobs and then you can see him. Alright?" 

Buck nodded, as much as he wanted to chase after Eddie and be with him right now, he knew that the nurses that wanted to check him over probably wouldn't be best pleased by Buck's hovering, so instead of protesting, he agreed. 

"He was smiling Buck, listening to you..." Chimney grinned, "The whole time he was smiling." 

And if that didn't make Buck's heart grow in size, he was unsure what would. 

The only thing that Buck could hear as he stepped into Eddie's hospital room was beeping of the monitors that were keeping check on Eddie. He shut the door quietly behind himself as he noticed the brunette was sleeping in the bed, looking a lot cleaner than he had when Buck had caught sight of him being pulled out of the ambulance. 

Buck smiled tiredly as he reached forward and stroked a hand through the locks of Eddie's hair, it was dirty, but it was Eddie so it was perfect. 

He pulled the visitors chair out and dragged it so it was as close to Eddie as possible, reaching forward to entwine his fingers with Eddie's. He would stay here starring at Eddie's face all night if he needed to, he was prepared to at the least. 

He stroked his thumb along Eddie's palm, listening to the steady rhythm of Eddie's heartbeat and breathing. 

His phone ringing in his pocket was enough to finally pull him out of his peaceful bubble, desperate to prevent waking Eddie, who needed to sleep off his exhaustion, Buck accepted the call without even looking at the caller ID. 

"Evan? It's Max, your lawyer." Refusing to leave Eddie behind now and break up their hand holding, Buck stayed where he was, but chose to speak at a level that he was sure wouldn't compromise Eddie's sleep. "We have a problem with the divorce papers." 

Buck frowned, because he really didn't need to be reminded of the mistakes he has made, the biggest being divorcing Eddie. 

"I've already filled them, Max." Buck shrugged, his grip tightening on Eddie's hand as he spoke about the fact that legally, they were no longer married. "What's the issue?" 

Max took a moment to reply, before finally replying. "The problem is, Mr Diaz has signed the papers." Buck just continued starring aimlessly at Eddie's face, hating the bruises that were already appearing there. "But you didn't sign." 

The frown on his face reverted into a look of shock, as he listened to his lawyer. 

"You're still married to your husband, Evan." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love em' 
> 
> hope you are all good !
> 
> cya all next time.
> 
> peace!


	13. chapter 13: history

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> History by One Direction (because happy anniversary one direction!)

Buck shot up from the uncomfortable chair he had chosen to sleep on, instantly cringing when he felt the pain in his back, a physical reminder for the next couple of days of his bad nights sleep. 

His eyes landed on Eddie and he was suddenly aware of the reason he had just been woken up at 3am in the morning. Eddie was still asleep, but evidently having a nightmare as he shifted around uncomfortably in the small hospital bed he was stuck in, whimpering in pain as he clearly struggled against the dream. 

Buck pushed aside the thought that you shouldn't wake somebody having a nightmare and instead shifted Eddie slightly, as much as he could without hurting his injured body and laid down beside him, after all, this wasn't the first time in his life he has struggled to fit on a single bed with Eddie. Lifting a hand to Eddie's face, he gently stroked his cheek in an attempt to soothe the night terror he was currently having, whispering, " _it's okay, i'm here_ " under his breath, when the truth was, Buck himself was terrified. 

Terrified that Eddie would wake up and push Buck away, after all, he was delirious only a couple of hours before, Buck would't be surprised if Eddie rejected him once he was able to speak again. 

"Eds..." Buck whispered when the brunettes nightmare continued, attempting to wake him in the most effective way. It took another couple of minutes but Eddie was jumping slightly and trying to control his breathing as he glanced around the room, panicking before he slowly acknowledged his current surroundings. 

For a moment, Eddie just starred ahead at the wall as he tried to get his breathing back to normal before he finally allowed himself to look back at Buck. He looked like he was at war with himself as he starred back at the blonde, frowning and reaching a hand out almost timidly, which definitely was unusual for Eddie. 

So, Buck encouraged him and held his hand against Buck's face, smiling to show Eddie he was okay. 

"Buc...k?" Eddie's voice was strained, and he should definitely rest his voice for another couple of hours as it was currently only a whisper, but it was there. Eddie was looking back at him as if he was convinced he was still dreaming and the blonde wasn't really here, which was clear by the way Eddie tried to push himself away. Buck hated that this probably wasn't the first time Eddie had dreamt that Buck was there when he really wasn't. 

However, this time, Buck was here. 

"It's me, Eds." Buck whispered, tracing a finger along the brunettes jaw. "I'm here. It was just a nightmare." 

Buck watched as Eddie's face softened, almost like he was believing Buck. "Go back to sleep, i'll be right here in the morning." Was what he whispered before Eddie's eyes fluttered shut again and he was falling back into a now peaceful sleep, a hand still pressed to the side of Evan's face. 

Buck's eyes shot open and the first thing he felt was a pain in his neck, which would be a physical reminder for the next few days of this uncomfortable hospital bed he was currently cramped on, his long legs hanging off the side and his head titled in an angle that shouldn't be humanly possible. The next thing he noticed was the hand gently running through his hair. 

Eddie must have noticed he was awake as suddenly the hand stilled and Buck felt the brunette tense beside him on the bed. And while Buck couldn't exactly see Eddie right now because of the angle he was laying in order for them both to fit, he knew Eddie was unsure what to do. "Sorry...i remember you used to like when i played with your hair." Eddie said, slightly timidly which was uncommon for Eddie. 

"It's okay." Buck whispered, craning his neck so he could finally make eye contact with Eddie who was currently propped up on the bed, glancing down at Buck who was still laying down. "I still like it. You didn't have to stop." 

Buck sent him a comforting smile, nervous of Eddie's next move. _Would he tell him to leave?_ Buck was unsure if he would be able to handle that rejection? 

"You gave me a real scare yesterday, Eds." Buck decided to start a conversation, unable to bare the silence between them. After all, if they were silent for too long Eddie might decide to make Buck leave, and he didn't want that. "I felt like my heart stopped beating when Chim told me they couldn't find you." 

Eddie looked apologetic and slightly surprised as he listened to the blonde, clearing his throat that was still painfully sore to reply. "I couldn't get out. At one point i thought i wasn't going to be able to." Eddie looked away from Buck, chewing at his lip for a moment before Buck reached out and released his lip, afraid the other man was going to make himself bleed. 

Turning Eddie's face so he was looking back at him, eyes soft and encouraging. Eddie must have taken this as a sign to continue, as he was speaking up once more, despite the strain on his voice. "I could only think of Christopher...and you." Eddie glanced up at the blonde, attempting to figure out his reaction while Buck starred right back, trying not to cry. "I couldn't handle the thought of leaving Christopher behind, so i decided there's no way in hell i'm dying down here." Eddie added, "And the idea of not being with you when i died? I know that is inappropriate because you're with Ab-"

Buck's lips were against Eddie's before the brunette even had the chance to finish what he was saying. For a moment, Eddie was still in shock, and Buck was about to push back and ask him if he was okay when he felt Eddie's hands snake around the back of his neck and pull him in closer. 

"I love you, Eddie." Buck breathed out, against the other mans lips when he paused before reattaching their lips quickly. "I meant what i said, it's always been you and i don't deserve you-" 

Eddie groaned, pulling back to glare at the other man. "Don't ever say you don't deserve me, okay?" Pressing their foreheads together, Eddie sighed. "I love you too, _Evan_. I was never going to get over you, i accepted that a long time ago." 

Buck nodded slowly, although he knew it would take him a while to truly believe it. 

For a moment they just laid together, Eddie's hand stroking through Buck's hair while the blonde starred ahead at the wall, keeping a hand pressed against Eddie's chest to keep track of his steady heartbeat. 

"Where's Abby?" _And shit,_ Buck had hardly had time to remember that he and Maddie had totally abandoned Abby and their mom at the airport to rush here the day before, and he hadn't even checked his phone since. He could only imagine how many times he had been contacted. 

"Uh...i don't really know? I kinda ran when Chim rang about you." Buck said honestly, tilting his head to catch Eddie's eyes. "I guess i'm not ready to leave our bubble yet." 

He felt Eddie chuckle beside him, eyes flickering between the door and him. "Everyone is going to be mad right?" Eddie asked, biting at his lip again. "Your mom is going to be mad. Abby is going to be mad. Are you really doing this?" 

"Eddie, i'm staying." He paused, realising that he hadn't even asked Eddie if that was what he wanted too. "With you and Christopher...if that's what you want too?" Evidently, it wasn't just Eddie anymore, it was Eddie and Christopher. 

Eddie looked dumbfounded at Buck's question, as if he was ever going to refuse that. "Christopher is going to love this." He chuckled, before quickly sitting up, cringing when his bones protested and Buck shot him a glare, as if to say, _lay back down now,_ which he did. "Are you sure you want to take on a child? Sure, he's cute but he's a whole eight year old child." 

Grabbing at Eddie's hand, the one that wasn't injured, Buck smiled. 

"It's you, me and Christopher from now on, okay?" Buck assured, before quickly correcting himself. "If Christopher will have me?" 

Eddie chuckled, which was very reassuring for the blonde. "Christopher loved you from the moment he met you, i wouldn't worry about him." Eddie paused for a moment, his eyes moving towards the door while Buck continued looking back at Eddie, a frown slowly morphing on his face as he watched Eddie's smile drop. "I would worry about your mother stood in the doorway right now, though." 

Buck jumped up at Eddie's words, startled as he did in fact turn his head and was met with the sight of his mother, starring back at him with an unreadable expression. 

_Oh he was in for it now,_ his moment of bliss ruined. 

He felt Eddie let go of him, almost as if that would soothe the situation as Buck got out of the bed and straightened his clothes, sending an apologetic glance towards the brunette who was still stuck in the bed. 

"Evan, can we speak outside?" She said, not giving anything away in the tone of her voice. But her eyes moved in between Buck and Eddie as if they were suddenly those ten year olds you couldn't split up all over again and had broken their curfew to spend more time together. 

Buck shrugged, eyes fitting on Eddie once more. He wasn't that naive twenty one year old anymore, he didn't need any further input on his relationship from his mother. "Whatever you want to say to me, you can say in front of Eddie." Alice frowned, but didn't protest as she cleared her throat. 

"Have you forgotten you have a fiancé waiting for you?" She questioned. Buck saw Eddie flinch in the corner of his eye, Abby was a physical reminder of the reality of this situation. Buck knew that, he was the one who created this problem and he had to be the one to fix it. 

"I haven't forgotten Abby, no, mom." Buck added, "I need to have a conversation with her, yes, but me and her." 

Alice sighed, hands pressed against her side as she turned her attention to Eddie. Eddie was visibly in pain, if the purple bruises on his skin were anything to go by and Alice herself could see that. 

"I know what happened last night must have been emotional for both of you." Alice started, "I just don't want you to make rash decisions that you may regret. After all, this is your ex-husband-" 

"Husband." Buck corrected. And yes, maybe Buck should have informed Eddie first that they were still legally married without his mother being in the room, but he also wasn't about to let his mom disregard their relationship anymore. So he turned his head to look Eddie in the eyes, all the anger vanishing from his face as his eyes softened while Eddie starred back with a look of confusion. "I didn't sign the papers Eddie. I'm still your husband." 

Eddie was silent for a few moments, as if he was trying to figure out if Buck was joking by the look on his face. "But...i signed, you were the one who was so desperate for me to sign?" 

Buck nodded slowly, wishing his mother wasn't in the room right now. "My lawyer called me last night, turns out i handed in the papers but i couldn't bring myself to sign them." He hoped Eddie wasn't about to get mad at him for keeping this as a secret this morning. "So we are still married and i love you and i'm sorry...is that okay?" 

The tense moment where nobody spoke was enough to have Buck feeling anxious, but then Eddie was smiling and suddenly his mother's presence in the room didn't matter anymore, because Buck was still a Diaz. 

Buck was nervously biting at the corner of the thumb, his eyes trained on the shut doors that Adriana and Sophia should be walking through with Christopher any moment. Naturally, as soon as Christopher had woken up from where he had stayed over with his aunt, Eddie had wanted him with him. 

That didn't stop Buck's anxiety over having to officially confirm to Christopher that Buck would be in his life now. After all, what if Christopher changed his mind and didn't want Buck around his father? Buck wouldn't blame him after all. 

The smile on his face betrayed him as he watched Eddie's sisters walk through the doors, Adriana holding Christopher's crutches while Sophia held Christopher, the eight year old looking around, clearly desperate to catch sight of his father. However, when Christopher saw Buck, his smile increased. 

"Hey buddy, surprised to see me?" Buck quizzed, leaning closer to the boy as Sophia placed her nephew on the ground and corrected his crutches in his hands. 

"Not surprised." He giggled before his face turned serious, "Where's daddy?" 

Buck's smile softened as he held his arm out for Christopher, picking up up while mouthing _thank you_ to Eddie's sisters who were patiently waiting in the family area, both shooting Buck encouraging smiles. At least he had them two and Christopher on his side. 

Buck gently pushed the door open and turned Christopher so he could see his dad instantly. Buck watched as the smile increased on Christopher's face once more as he saw Eddie sat up on the bed, the brunette instantly looking a hell of a lot better when he spotted Buck holding Christopher. 

"Missed you, kid." Eddie sighed as Buck placed the boy down beside his father in the bed, "Did you miss me?" 

Christopher giggled with a shrug, "Sophia lets me stay up later." Which resulted in a look of offence from Eddie, which was obviously fake and exaggerated. 

Seeing the moment between father and son, Buck figured he should give them some time to be together. He looked over his shoulder to locate his jacket, maybe this would be the perfect opportunity to find Abby after all, when he felt Eddie's hand reach out and grab ahold of his wrist, preventing any further movement. 

"Do you have to go?" Eddie asked, his hand running through Christopher's loose curls. Christopher was looking up at Buck with hopeful eyes, and he sure as hell wasn't about to reject those two now. 

The corner of Buck's mouth quirked, unable to say no. "I guess i can hang around a while longer." And then he was grinning as Eddie held out the arm that wasn't holding Christopher, because apparently two grown men and a child could be supported in one hospital bed. 

"You sure you want to do this?" Eddie whispered over Christopher's head, a look of hope crossing across his face. 

Buck simply leaned forward and pressed their lips together before he pulled away to kiss the top of Christopher's curls, hugging them both close. 

"I'm sure." Buck assured, "Just us three, right?" 

_Right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters (one chapter and then the epilogue) :)
> 
> peace !


	14. chapter 14: rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rollercoaster by bleachers (this song makes me so happyyyyy)

Abby hadn't returned to New York, which ultimately had surprised Buck when Maddie had informed him she was waiting to talk back at their mothers house. And deep down, he was happy that she hadn't just left as for selfish reasons, he wanted a way to apologies. 

So that's what he was doing, about to finally face Abby for the first time since _literally_ leaving her at the airport to run to Eddie. Eddie, who was now officially home and was curled up on the couch with Christopher, both of them watching some tv show that had Christopher giggling every so often which often prompted a smile from Eddie. However, from the corner of his eye, Buck could see Eddie glancing over at him with worried eyes, Buck just hadn't decided what he was worrying about yet. 

When he finally managed to catch Eddie's eyes, the brunette smiled at him although it didn't reach his eyes, causing a frown to appear on Buck's face in return. "Where you going Buck?" Christopher asked as he glanced over his shoulder to see the blonde slipping his jacket on, not exactly prepared for this. In fact, all he really wanted to do was lay across the couch with Eddie and Christopher all day. 

"Buck will be home soon, mijo." Eddie smiled as he brushed his sons curls from his forehead, the look of concern was still plastered across his face. And Buck knew his husband, he wasn't about to let that look slide. Buck smiled as he leaned over Christopher and pressed a kiss to the boys forehead before turning his attention to Eddie who was somewhat distracted by the show, Buck smiled softly as he reached forward and turned Eddie's face towards him before pressing a kiss to his lips. 

"How about we get pizza tonight, huh?" Buck grinned, hoping that would cheer of the two Diaz's who were sat pouting in front of him. After all, this was going to be the first time Buck left their sides since the accident. Maybe they had all gotten a little clingy with each other. 

Buck walked through the house, leaving the living room behind and was about to walk out of the front door when he heard movement behind him. He smiled when he noticed Eddie stood at the end of the hallway, the smile dropping when he saw Eddie's lack of expression. "What's up, Eds?" Buck grabbed his hand, tugging the brunette so he was much closer to the other man. Eddie simply shrugged, causing Buck to roll his eyes. "C'mon, tell me?" 

Eddie went to turn his head but was once again prevented by Buck's hand, so eventually he gave in with a sigh. "This is going to sound so bad...after all, i basically stole you from Abby." Eddie cringed, before continuing. "I don't know, i guess, i'm worried that you are going to go see her and realise that she can still give you everything i can't and you'll realise that you were only worried about my safety and now i'm okay again maybe you'll leave?" 

Buck didn't have any time to protest before Eddie was continuing, "I mean i saw her, you may take one look at her again and decide fuck, i made the wrong decision." Eddie shrugged, avoiding all eye contact. "I guess i just didn't want you to go." 

They were silent for only a few seconds before Buck was grabbing at Eddie's face, causing the brunette to finally look at him. "You didn't steal me from her, Eds. I mean, if anything you stole me back." Buck grinned as he managed to get a laugh from Eddie, before he continued. "I'm your husband, i want to be with you and i'm always going to want to be with you. Okay?" He kissed Eddie quickly before pulling away, "I'm going to speak to Abby...Yes, she has every right to hate me and her dad may even try sue me...I'm not sure what for, but damn he'll try." Buck laughed, stealing another kiss as he paused. 

"But, Eds. Non of that matters because i'm going to come right back to you and Christopher." Eddie smiled with a quick nod, releasing his grip on Buck. "I love you, okay? I'll pick up the pizza on the way home, tell Chris to pick a movie." 

"Love you too." Eddie called out as Buck walked through their front door. 

Abby looked surprisingly content as Buck walked through the front door of his mother's house, spotting her sat on one of the chairs with a cup of coffee in one hold. His attention then moved to Maddie, who was thankfully there, baby Theo wrapped up in her arms. Another reason why he was so happy to be staying home, now he would see his nephew grow. 

His mother was stood in the corner of the room, someone who he had successfully avoided. 

"Let's give these two some space." Maddie spoke up, looking towards Alice. She walked past Buck and pressed a kiss to the side of his head, his hand reaching out and stroking Theo's dark hair before it was only him and Abby in the room. 

"I'm sorry." Was the first thing he could think to say, and yes he blurted it out and he probably should have been better prepared for this conversation but he wasn't. "I don't know how to make this okay..." 

"I was really planning to come here today and shout at you. Accuse you of using me and say you hurt me." Abby started, "But then i realised. I wasn't angry, in fact, my dad is angrier than i am. Maybe it made me realise that both of our hearts were in the wrong place, yours literally." 

Abby shook her head, "I've never really had a relationship that didn't feel forced, a relationship that didn't consist of business dinners as dates." Abby continued, "So maybe i'm not good on picking up on what is clearly right in front of my face." She paused for a moment, "You were never going to sign those papers, were you?" 

Buck had the decency to look apologetic as he starred back at the woman, "I had really convinced myself that getting a divorce was what i wanted. I think i actually believed it myself." Buck quickly added, "And i swear, i was going to go with you, but Eddie got hurt and i panicked." 

Abby nodded, "And it made you realise you still love him." 

Buck glanced away, biting at the edge of his lip as he tried to figure out a way to not offend Abby in this situation. "I never stopped." He confirmed, refusing to look at her reaction. "I tried to let him go, and i had convinced myself that he had done something terrible to me in order for me to hate him. I started believing my own lies, knowing it was easier to accept that than face the reality which was me walking out on him."

He finally glanced up at her, surprised to see she didn't look mad. "So i guess, when me and Eddie fell apart, so did my heart." He sighed, "Which meant i would never really be able to give you that kind of love-" 

"Because Eddie already had it, right?" She butted in, eyes soft. 

Buck nodded. 

Abby chuckled slightly, lifting the cup of coffee to her lips and taking a sip, suddenly breaking the tension. "If i thought it would help the situation or make me feel better, i would shout at you. Call you an asshole for essentially ditching me?" She shrugged, tilting her head in amusement. "We both lead separate lives, and your life is here with Eddie. That's clear."

"You can keep all my stuff i left back in New York." Buck said, although he knew he had nothing worth anything back there. Nothing that Abby would need after all. "And i am really sorry, i shouldn't have involved you in this." 

Abby stood up, brushing off her dress as if she had just finished a business meeting. "I have to go back home." She decided, "You probably should too." 

Buck was nervous. He couldn't remember the last time he had been in a room full of Buckleys and more importantly he couldn't remember the last time he had been in a room full of Diaz's either, but here he was, about to attend a party that Maddie and Chimney had thrown to celebrate their new baby. Which was all well and good, after all, Buck adored his nephew and spending time with Theo was one of his new favourite things to do. However, this was also the first time he and Eddie were going to make a public appearance since getting back together. 

And even worse, Maddie had invited Eddie's family and Buck wouldn't deny that he was still concerned over the idea that maybe Eddie's parents were still mad at him. After all, he wouldn't blame them. 

And then there was his mother, who was probably going to avoid him and Eddie, maybe she'd even throw in a few judgemental stares. 

"Whatcha' thinking 'bout, baby?" He startled slightly when Eddie came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, gazing at him through the reflection of the mirror. Buck smiled at him, because Eddie looked gorgeous. In his favourite pair of black jeans, combat boots that fitted his style perfectly and a blue button up, Buck kinda wanted to forget about the party and throw his husband on the bed. However, he mentally reminded himself that the party was for his nephew and he could have sex with Eddie later. 

After all, an eight year old was in the next room getting ready, Buck was quickly getting used to it being him, Eddie and Christopher. 

"I feel like everybody is going to be watching us." Buck shrugged, pouting a little at the thought of it. 

Eddie just harmlessly chuckled in response, placing a kiss under the curve of the blondes jaw. "There's going to be a newborn baby and a lot of food and drink." He said, "They'll look for a few minutes and then it will go back to normal. Because this is normal right? Me and you being together is what they are used to." 

That's true, Eddie and Buck had been inseparable since the age of five. This was normal for their families to see. 

"Okay...but don't leave my side." Buck sighed as he turned around in Eddie's arms and finally planted a proper kiss on the man's lips, grinning against them when he felt Eddie's hand slide down between their bodies. _Later,_ he mentally cursed himself before shooting Eddie a look which read, _what do you think you are doing?_ Eddie just smirked before reattaching their mouths, only pulling away when they heard the familiar sound of Christopher's crutches moving. 

"The coolest kid, i've ever seen. Right, Eds?" Buck grinned as Christopher stood in the doorway, because damn the child was wearing a bowtie and if that wasn't the cutest thing Buck had ever seen. 

"We match Bucky." Christopher giggled as he pointed out that he and Buck were wearing the same colour shirts, Eddie's doing. When Buck leaned down to pick Christopher up, he cuddled him, thankful for the form of comfort from the youngest Diaz of the household. 

Christopher held his hand out towards his dad, Eddie instantly being dragged into the hug so Christopher was held between them. 

As Buck smiled over Christopher's shoulder at Eddie, he was reminded that this was where he was meant to be. 

As promised, Eddie's hand stayed locked in Buck's as they walked through the doors of Chimney and Maddie's place. Christopher walked in front of them, of course attracting all the attention first with his cute outfit, which Buck was thankful for. 

Helena went straight for her grandson, greeting him and distracting him with a bunch of cuddles. Buck glanced up, his eyes landing on his mother who was starring back at him with an unreadable expression and Buck was unsure if he wanted to find out what it meant. 

"There they are, Romeo and Juliet." Adriana teased as she walked up to them, pulling them into a joint hug. At least he knew he had Eddie's sisters and Maddie on side. 

Helena glanced up from where she had been distracted by Christopher and smiled, "Welcome back, Evan." She nodded towards Eddie, a small smile on her face. "You have been missed." And if Buck knew Helena like he believed he did, that was her subtle acceptance. 

Eddie squeezed his hand, shooting him a comforting smile before they were walking through the house until they located Maddie and Theo. Of course, the second they found them, Buck was stealing Theo from Chimney's arms and holding him himself. 

"Finally back where you belong, huh?" Maddie grinned, her eyes trained on Eddie and Buck who were both currently gushing over her son. Theo was going to be spoilt by his uncles that was for sure. The situation became all that cuter when Christopher walked in, his excitement increasing when he spotted the baby in Buck's arms. 

"Look, kiddo." Buck smiled as he knelt down so he was at Christopher's height, Theo opening his eyes to gaze back at the eight year old. Buck was already excited for them to grow up around each other. "You want me to help you hold him?" 

And that's how Buck ended up on the couch, Christopher on his knee with baby Theo cradled in both of their arms. Eddie was stood only a few steps away, a warm smile on his face as he took in the sight in front of him, his phone in his hand from taking multiple pictures of the three of them. 

"You definitely look good with a kid and a baby, Buck." Eddie teased, Chimney butted in to the conversation to add, "Feel free to babysit him whenever you want, he's a crier." And Buck knew he and Eddie would be taking them up on that offer, after all, Christopher also seemed to be in love. 

It was his mother stood in the corner of the room watching them that dragged Buck's attention away from the two boys in his arms. Eddie must have figured out the change in his expression as he was glancing over his shoulder and spotting Alice only a few moments later. For a moment, Alice just starred in between them before finally building the courage to walk up to them, a welcoming smile on her face. 

"You wouldn't mind if i borrowed these two would you, Christopher?" Buck was surprised to find his mom acknowledging Christopher. Thankfully, Christopher was a pretty outgoing kid and he didn't seem too startled by the new person in the conversation, although Buck figured he already personally knew Alice considering they lived in such a small town. 

Christopher glanced up at Buck, before nodding quickly. "C'mon, Chris." Maddie said as she lifted Theo up into her arms before helping Christopher off Buck's knee and taking them both into the kitchen, Chimney following behind to leave Eddie and Buck alone with Alice. 

"Mom-" Buck was cut off by Alice, 

She sighed, "I was listening to your conversation with Abby." She started, looking apologetic. "And when you said sorry to her, i realised that i owe you an apology." She paused, her attention moving to Eddie who was stood only a step behind Buck. "And i owe you an apology too, Eddie." 

When Buck made no attempt to add anything, wanting to know what else his mom had to say. "I realise now, i had such little faith in marriage because of Evan and Maddie's father that i assumed every marriage around here would end up like mine. I guess i saw myself in Evan, i knew for a long time that he was madly in love with you. Just like i was with his father." Buck felt Eddie place a comforting hand against his back, knowing mentions of his father were often a sore spot for him. "I didn't want Buck to jump into marriage so early if it meant that it ended like mine. I can see now that i played a role in Evan leaving, i was just so convinced that getting him out of Texas would set him up for a better future. I know realise i just pushed him away from his actual future." 

Buck frowned, "So you coddled me but not Maddie? I know her and Chim got together when they were older than me and Eddie had been, but i don't see you pulling them apart?" 

She nodded, accepting that. "I guess it was because when you and Eddie met, you were only young and you listened to me more." She shrugged, "I thought i was giving you good advice, now i realise i was just projecting my insecurities onto you." She turned to Eddie once more, eyes softening. "I knew... i know, how much you love Evan. I just wanted you both to know that i'm sorry and if you would let me i would love to spend some time with you both and little Christopher." 

Buck turned to Eddie, seeing a small smile on his face. Because that was Evan's Eddie, so forgiving and everything Buck loved about the world. While he would always be upset with his mothers role in him leaving, he knew he wasn't an innocent party either. 

"I'm sure you can come round the house sometime this week for dinner." Buck smiled, hand reaching down and entwining his fingers with Eddie's. They were strong now, nobody else would be able to tear them apart, not even themselves. "Christopher would love to spend time with you, especially if you play games with him then i'm pretty sure he'll love you forever." He teased. 

Alice grinned and for the few time in a long time, she looked genuinely happy for them.

"That went pretty well, huh?" Eddie whispered in his ear, arms wrapped around his waist as they watched their families converse with one another. Christopher was in the middle of a conversation with Maddie, he was already giving her top tips of what fun things she could do with Theo. 

On the other side of the room sat Alice and Eddie's parents, usually that sight would have brought him nothing but fear. Now? It felt nice. 

"Mmmhm, i love you." Buck grinned, titling his head so he could kiss Eddie. "Christopher seems happy, right?"

Eddie chuckled, "Course, look at the kid." 

It was true, Christopher was smiling and laughing. 

"Although, i can't wait for this gathering to end so we can go home." Buck teased, eyes scanning the brunettes face. "And more specifically go to bed."

Eddie nipped at Buck's hip, causing the blonde to laugh while struggling out of his husbands hold. 

This was where he was going to be for the rest of his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peace!!
> 
> epilogue next <3


	15. epilogue: carry you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carry you by ruelle :)

**2 years later.**

Buck had quickly learnt only a few months after returning home and staying with Eddie and Christopher two years ago, that he was the ' _worrier_ ' parent. The one that panicked half way to work, trying to remember if they had put Christopher's pack lunch in his backpack or not. The one that almost fainted when Christopher had fallen off a step in his grandmother's garden, scraping half of his leg...which had resulted in a lot of tears, from both Christopher and Buck. 

Eddie was the overprotective parent but level-headed. He knew how to keep his emotions in check, for example, when Chris would come home from school and ask why he couldn't _climb the wall in gym like the other kids,_ it was always Eddie who had the perfect solution to Christopher's insecurities. Whereas, Buck was the parent who Christopher would go to for a cuddle and Eddie was the parent he would go to for reassurance. They were a tag-team like that. 

But now? A father of two, Buck only got worse. 

Eddie and Buck had pondered between adoption and surrogacy for a long time, both knowing they wanted to give Christopher a sibling after they saw how much he adored his little cousin Theo. And with their relationship much more stable than it had been at twenty-one, they knew that they were ready to become a family of four. Eventually, they had settled on surrogacy, because according to Eddie, _i refuse to live in a world where a baby with your eyes and blonde hair doesn't exist_ , and just over a year later, they were dads to two children. Christopher and Isobel Diaz, who were the centre of Buck's universe, including Eddie and Finley their dog. 

And Eddie got his wish, because Isobel supported blonde locks. And Eddie wouldn't admit it, but he had spent a couple of hours on youtube watching videos on how to braid your child hair, already prepared for when her hair got long enough and for her future school days. 

Buck may sound biased, but Christopher was the best big brother. Isobel was only one but she already adored Christopher, after all, the first time she crawled, she crawled straight into the arms of her brother. And of course, Buck and Eddie had been freaking out and had missed most of it, trying to find a phone so they could record their children being adorable. After all, Buck's phone was filled with Eddie, Christopher and Isobel. His lock screen which was his husband holding their two children in his arms, often got many compliments which had him grinning with pride, because yes, his family were gorgeous he didn't need to woman at the grocery store to confirm that. 

The sound of the front door slamming dragged him out of his peaceful daydream. He was sat in the comfortable chair he had convinced Eddie to buy in Isobel's room, she was currently mid way through her afternoon nap, the sound of her even breathing enough to keep Buck's mind at peace. Sighing, he glanced over at her, checking she was still comfortable with her favourite stuffed teddy hooked under her arm, a small smile on his lips. 

He found Eddie in the kitchen, still in his work clothes that Buck happened to adore on him. When the brunette saw him, clearly checking out his ass, he smirked turning his attention to his husband. "Where are our children?" Eddie asked, crossing his arms over his chest as Buck innocently strolled up to him, reaching out to untangle his husbands arms so he could wrap them around himself instead. 

"Maddie and Chim were taking Theo to the aquarium, asked if Christopher wanted to join." Buck smiled, rubbing Eddie's shoulders to ease the tension that had built up from work. "Of course, Chris did so i let them steal him for an hour or so. And, our other child is peacefully asleep down the hall." 

Eddie smiled, content that both of his children were doing what they loved the most. Christopher? At the aquarium and Izzy? Asleep, she definitely got her love of naps from Eddie. 

"How was work?" Buck asked, his hand currently locked in Eddie's hair. 

He chuckled when he felt Eddie's hands trailing down his stomach until he reached the blonde's belt, a second later there were a pair of hands loosing it, disregarding the barrier that was stopping Eddie getting into Buck's pants. 

"Boring." Eddie replied, his mouth now attached to Buck's neck as he trailed kisses from his jaw to his collar bone. Buck grinned, tilting his head to give his husband more access, he was generous like that. "Missed you and the kids." 

Eddie yanked the belt through the loops of Buck's jeans, throwing it across the floor, which would usually piss Buck off considering it was often Eddie that left his work boots hanging out in the middle of the hallway when he got home from work. However, all he could think of right now was, _Eddie, Eddie, Eddie_ so he would moan at him later about the mess he was currently making. 

"How long have we got?" Was what Eddie asked next, a very common question in a marriage when you are parenting two young children. 

"She should sleep for another half an hour." At least, he hoped as Eddie reached down and picked him up by the back of the thighs and started walking them down the hall. They passed Isobel and Christopher's rooms on the way, Eddie attempting to make as little noise as possible to avoid waking up their sleeping infant while Buck attacked his mouth, the responsible parent act long forgotten now he was in the arms of his only love. 

"I'll be quick then." Eddie whispered against his mouth as Buck chuckled, pushing at his shoulder slightly. 

"So romantic." He teased before his shirt was being pulled off, Eddie once again disregarding it across the room somewhere. Eddie lifted Buck's legs once more, placing them comfortably around his waist once both of their pants were gone before going ahead. 

"Mhm, Eddie. I love you." Buck moaned as Eddie moved against him, the brunette reattaching their mouths in the process.

"I love yo- Ow, fuck." Eddie groaned, stopping mid-movement. Naturally, Buck went to cuss him out for suddenly stopping, after all they were on a tight schedule and Buck wasn't about to stop now. However, when Eddie pulled one of Isobel toys up from the covers, that he had clearly leant on, Buck's anger was replaced with amusement. "Jesus christ, we gotta stop letting Izzy play in our bed." Eddie said, throwing the pink toy on the ground, his other hand still holding onto Buck's hip tightly. 

"Like you would ever prevent our children from doing anything." Buck grinned, "They both have you wrapped around their little finger." 

Eddie went to protest, but ultimately went against it. After all, it was true. Eddie was a push over when it came to their children. 

"Now, c'mon. I'm right here!" Buck huffed as he reached forward and grabbed the back of Eddie's neck, reattaching their lips as Eddie started moving again, the toy on the ground long forgotten. 

\- 

"What do you think this is about?" Eddie asked as they walked up the street towards Maddie and Chim's place. Christopher was walking ahead of them, Isobel in Eddie's arms, both of them distracted by the outside to care about their parents conversation. 

"No idea." Buck sighed, reaching out to readjust the clip in Isobel's hair that was falling, he then moved onto Christopher, pushing some fallen curls from his forehead before pressing a kiss there. Thankfully, Christopher was still only ten which meant he didn't mind affection from his parents, Buck was almost afraid of the day he grew up and decided he was too cool for them. "I hate big gatherings. Everyone steals our kids because they are so cute." 

Eddie chuckled, after all, he wasn't about to disagree with hat. 

The second they entered the house, they lost Christopher to Theo however, Eddie managed to keep hold of Isobel. After all, she had woken up from a nap not so long ago and that meant for another half hour at least she would be clingy towards only Buck and Eddie. 

"Don't tell us you are moving away?" Buck sighed as they stood in the living room, she had gathered Buck and Eddie here alongside Alice who was currently sat beside Christopher and holding Theo. Bobby, Athena, Hen and Karen and their children were here too, suggesting that this was something real important. 

"No, you're stuck with us." Chimney grinned, nudging Maddie slightly a small smile on his lips. "But we do have news." 

Bobby sighed, "Don't tell me you are quitting your job." 

Chimney laughed at that, "Once again, no." He added, "You are stuck with me in that department too." 

Buck pressed a kiss to his wriggly daughter's head who was currently in his arms, Eddie stood beside them with a matching expression confusion on his face. 

"Okay...to stop you all guessing." Maddie locked her and Chim's hands together, grinning excitedly at him. "We are having another baby!" 

Buck suddenly rushed towards his sister, getting there before anyone even had the chance. He pulled her into a hug, careful of the fact that his one year old was still in his arms while Eddie pulled Chimney into a hug, mirroring the siblings bedside them. 

"Another cute kid in the family, that's all we need." Hen teased before congratulating them both. 

"Our girl isn't going to be the youngest in the family anymore." Eddie teased as he walked back over to them, pressing a kiss to Isobel's cheek before lifting his head and pressing one to Buck's mouth. 

"She needs to stop growing." Buck decided, "So does Christopher." 

Because those were their only problems now a days, no more seperation, no more heartbreak, just their children getting older. 

"Dad can Denny come meet Finley sometime?" Christopher asked as he appeared beside them both. Eddie smiled down at their son, knowing how excited Christopher was to show off their dog that Eddie and Buck had promised him for a long time. Now he had him, he loved telling everyone. 

"Sure, hijo." Eddie replied, ruffling Christopher's curls before pulling him into his side. "Not tonight though, tonight we are going to show your sister finding nemo for the first time." Now both Buck and Eddie knew their daughter had no attention span and she would would not pay attention to an entire movie, however, they knew how much Christopher wanted to introduce his baby sister to his favourite movie. So that's exactly what they were going to do. 

And the smile they got in return was enough to put a smile on his parents face for the rest of the night. 

-

The sound of crying woke Buck up from his peaceful slumber, his mind instantly awake at the sound of his daughters sobbing. He groaned as he saw 4am on the clock beside his head, and Buck figured Eddie must have had a long day at work because he didn't even wake at the sound of their daughter when usually he would have shot up too. 

Buck headed down the hall, smiling sadly when he walked into the room to see his daughter crying for one of them. She instantly held her arms up when she spotted Buck, the crying stopping now she had the attention she wanted, although silent tears continued to stream down her tiny face that Buck loved so much. 

"What's up, baby? You want Papa and Daddy?" He whispered, pressing a kiss to her head. He wasn't about to wake up at 4am, so he decided the best option was to take her back to bed with him. 

Turning around, he paused when he saw a sleepy Christopher rubbing at his eye in the doorway. "Sorry, buddy. Did we wake you?" Buck asked, walking over to the boy to run a hand through his hair. 

Christopher just shook his head, reaching out towards Buck, because he may be ten but he would always want Buck and Eddie, which Buck was highly grateful for. "Nightmare." He shrugged, and Buck sighed, leaning down and picking the boy up. Because, Buck had thankfully worked out enough to be able to comfortably carry his ten year old and one year old. "Want to go to bed with me, dad and Izzy?" 

Christopher just nodded against his shoulder, before Buck started walking down the hallway, checking on Finley who was sleeping peacefully in his dog bed in the corner. 

Eddie woke when Isobel was placed against his chest and Christopher curled up by his side. For a moment, he just looked around confused before his eyes softened as Buck climbed back into bed so their children were laying between them. "Hey, abejita" Eddie whispered to their daughter before pressing a soothing kiss to her forehead as her eyes closed again, before his attention shifted to Christopher. "You okay, Hijo?" 

Christopher just nodded as Eddie pressed a kiss to his head in response. 

Once they both heard both of their children's breathing even out to indicate they had fallen back asleep, Buck leaned over Christopher and Isobel to kiss Eddie. 

"Love you, Eds." He settled beside their children, his arm reaching over them to hold Eddie's hand. 

Before he drifted back into his peaceful slumber, he heard Eddie whisper back, "And i love you, cariño" 

fin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!!! 
> 
> Thank you to everybody who read and commented on this, i love and appreciate every one of you. 
> 
> I'm still around you can find me on my other fic can't pretend, and i'm sure future fics. 
> 
> xxx


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